Fresno – Page 28 – The Fresnan

Fresno. The Peaches Are Coming. Send Help.

April 26, 2016April 26, 2016 The Fresnan

If you have access to dirt in Fresno and don’t have some sort of fruit tree planted, then you’re a piece of shit.

You live in the most grow-ready soil in the world and you have no fruit? Shame. Shame. Shame.

I have a peach tree. I also have a grapefruit tree but nevermind that now.

I need help with this peach tree. And I’m relying on the knowledge of Fresno, THE GREATEST AG CITY IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD, to help me.

I may have too many peaches. The Internet says I need to thin it out. And that’s what I’m doing. It feels like this is going to work. But every year I try things that I “feel are going to work” and I screw it up.

YEAR ONE
I did nothing but buy the house at the right time and inherit the tree during peach season. It was perfect. Lots of gorgeous tasty peaches and all the right size.

YEAR TWO
I pruned back the branches in February and ended up getting big peaches but not even enough to even fill a Save Mart grocery bag.

YEAR THREE
I pruned back half the branches. I got a ton of peaches but they were small and kind of lame. Only good for tossing at school children passing by.

YEAR FOUR
That’s this year. I left the old tree alone and there are a grip (I’m trying to bring back “grip” as a unit of measurement) of peaches. Too many. I suspect I will get another batch of throwing size peaches. So I’m thinning in hopes this will help. And I’ll be watering more. IN A VERY RESPONSIBLE WAY, CITY OF FRESNO, if you’re reading this.

I think I need a “peach tree guy”. I just wish I knew a Masumoto:

Isn’t David the fucking cutest? The Masumotos are the local Peach Whispers. Help me Masumoto. You’re my only hope.

Now about that grapefruit tree…

grapefruit-tree-1024x768 Fresno. The Peaches Are Coming. Send Help.

Is a grapefruit still good if it’s been hanging on the tree for a couple of years? Dammit. Now I gotta get a “grapefruit guy”.

5 Worthless Salad Toppings At Fresno’s Whole Foods

April 19, 2016April 19, 2016 The Fresnan 1 Comment

WHOLE-FOOD-SALAD-BAR-FRESNO 5 Worthless Salad Toppings At Fresno's Whole Foods

This is going to offend you. One of your favorite salad fixings is going to get dumped on. I’m sorry, but I must keep it real. Blogger code and all.

So hold on to your croutons, here are my 5 Most Worthless Whole Foods Fresno Salad Bar Choices:

5.WHATEVER THIS WAS:

whatever 5 Worthless Salad Toppings At Fresno's Whole Foods

You gotta figure it was something good since it is empty. But I bet it sucked.

4.TIE: BROCCOLI & PEAS. No. Just, no. I’m a grown adult and I no longer have to eat my broccoli or peas (like I ever did), let alone willfully pay to put it on my salad.

3.THIS JUNK:

junk 5 Worthless Salad Toppings At Fresno's Whole Foods

Alright so this stuff may not technically be part of the salad toppings. Controversial pick for sure. But I’ve seen people put this crap on their salads so it totally counts.

2.RED ~~ONIONS~~ CABBAGE:

RED-ONION 5 Worthless Salad Toppings At Fresno's Whole Foods

It’s just used for color and you don’t need a build-a-salad to look pretty. It’s a salad that YOU made, it just needs to be functional. The salad is riding in a barely functional cardboard box. It’ll look like crap once it finishes your journey home anyway.
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Let California High Speed Rail Build Those Underpasses, Fresno

April 12, 2016April 12, 2016 The Fresnan 2 Comments

Thinking differently about California High Speed Rail might be in order if you are in Fresno and don’t want it.

It’s pretty damn confirmed that at all the major intersections the High Speed Rail crosses in Fresno, they will be building an underpass or overpass for cars (geez I’ve been really car posting lately). Those overpasses include the Union Pacific tracks it twinsies with through Fresno.

That’s right. No more trying to beat the train at Herndon. Or being super dorky and complaining about a stopped Union Pacific train at Shaw Ave:

So if you’re in Fresno and think the California High Speed Rail is dumb, shut your damn face about it until the suckers build those sweet overpasses and underpasses. Yeah I may sound weird but underpasses are nice. I hear that’s what the Herndon one will be.

I’m thankful every time I go under the Sante Fe tracks at Marks & Shaw. Yes, children, there used to be a train crossing at Shaw and Marks and Marks didn’t even go through. You had to do this weird little road back out to Shaw then around and then… *SMH* it…it was a whole thing, okay?!

If you’re still not convinced every Fresnan needs to get behind High Speed Rail (at least until they are done with Fresno section) let’s think about this: They are already moving Highway 99 over 100′ to make room the those quick-ass trains. If you haven’t driven through that section of 99 lately, this is what’s happening:

Yep that’s some serious shit. Guys, we really don’t want California to figure out that this whole High Speed Rail thing is a BOONDOGGLE and say to themselves “Fuck this is crazy. Are we really going to spend this much money and move all this crap just to put the train tracks in? Meh. Forget this noise. HEY GUYS! PACK IT UP, WE’RE HEADING HOME!”

If they did that we would have a bunch of half-built things and torn down buildings. Fresno doesn’t need more of these.

Too much earth has been moved. It’s time to get fully behind High Speed Rail in in the Valley, even if it’s just Madera to Fresno and doesn’t make us a commuter city for the Silicon Valley.

Let them build it. I want that sweet underpass action.

Flowing Into Fresno Districts – Flowing With Famous Podcast #R62

April 8, 2016April 8, 2016 The Fresnan

CLICK AND LISTEN: BieberStreetFlowing.mp3

Fresnans. This is your culture podcast. It is called Flowing With Famous. Mr. Joshua Tehee of the Fresno Bee and I have been doing this for many years, mostly talking Downtown Fresno and interesting Fresno culture and music stories. This month’s episode is no different.

We revisit the Fulton Mall groundbreaking and our feelings for that day. We stay in Downtown Fresno and talk about the Culture Arts District and if South Stadium is a good name for that area of Downtown.

The Audie’s Olympic era has closed and we reminisce about the historic Tower District music club which leads us into the Band Of The Episode: Let’s Go Bowling.

The playing of Let’s Go Bowling sparks yet another version of the game: What’s The Greatest Music Act In Fresno History?

We then talk about last month’s Fresyes Fest at Tioga and how we may be getting too old and if there a culture shift in Fresno nightlife. Plus Josh saw Justin Beiber… so that happened.

Thanks for listening!
Show feed. Subscribe on iTunes.
Hosted: Joshua Tehee and The Fresnan.

This Popolo’s Pizza problem needs to get sorted out, Fresno

March 22, 2016April 5, 2016 The Fresnan 3 Comments

popolos-pizza-front This Popolo's Pizza problem needs to get sorted out, Fresno

UPDATE: Consider this sorted out; statement from Popolo’s:

We’re excited to announce, that Popolo’s Pizza & More! will be relocating to 7835 N. Palm Ave. #106, off of Palm & Nees in Fresno!

As saddened as we are leaving our Blackstone & Herndon location that we have occupied for almost 31 years, we feel that the matters we’ve been faced with these last couple of months, has forced us as a family to make this decision.

Our new location will have a large banquet room, patio, arcade and a beer & wine bar. With relocating to Park Place, we will be able to keep our existing delivery area & expand it, and also still be close to our previous location where our customers who live or/and work close to the area or travel from across town can find us a short drive up the street.

We want to say “THANK YOU!” to all of our amazing family, friends and customers for all of your support & patience during this difficult time. We will keep everyone updated as much as possible for all of the new & exciting things to come!

Thank you,
The Greene Family!
Popolo’s Pizza & More!
New location coming June 2016!!!!!!!!!!

[ORIGINAL POST]:
You are not going to take this lying down in your soft, sinking booth, are you, Fresnans? Popolo’s Pizza is temporarily closed. My breadstick craving gizzard is weeping. No salad bar. No pizza. No tube televisions to watch. No booth dividers to remove. Checking the taps in the waiting area is pointless. POINTLESS! *drops to knees* WHY, GOD, WHY!?!

It apparently has something to do with the building’s foundation. The floor of Popolo’s currently looks like this:

Popolos-Pizza-floor-e1458652487723 This Popolo's Pizza problem needs to get sorted out, Fresno

Did you see that!? The gap between the floor and earth? What is there like a hidden creek running beneath Pop’s? There is not supposed to be a crawl space in that building. So yeah, I can see why it might not be wise to be open with that lurking underneath.

Luckily they don’t own the building so it’s not on them to fix it. But they are not making any money right now and I’m am sitting around waiting to give them mine in exchange for a Van Ness Extension (hold the peppers).

This. This is serious guys. Oh these sad lonely booths:

empty-popolos-pizza-booth This Popolo's Pizza problem needs to get sorted out, Fresno

I would look damn good sitting in one of them. Proudly making a plate of potato skins disappear and ordering another Tioga Sequoia XPA #DrinkLocalBro.

So what’s the update on the place? Let’s get this figured out, dammit! Well I got this from Popolo’s Pizza themselves:
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9 Cool Ass Things I [Will] Remember About Audie’s Olympic

March 15, 2016March 19, 2016 The Fresnan 8 Comments

I dunno if you heard about this but Audie will soon no longer be running Audie’s Olympic club in the Tower District. Crazy, right?

Hey, don’t ask me what happened, I’m sure Josh over at Fresno Beehive has something up about it or soon will. Rumor has it that the Audie Camp is saying the owners of the building want to do their own thing there and are pushing him out. The Owners Camp (total rumor, bro, ok?) say they would like him to stay if he met with the obligations of the lease.

Totally not my business. All I know is I have spent a lot of time in Audie’s Olympic. Not as much as of late but I think maybe I’ve gone to… 90? 100 shows there? Yeah, sounds kinda right.

So with that, here are my ~~Ten~~ 9 Cool Ass Things [I Will Remember] About Audie’s Olympic:

The Tub Of Beer: Not every place in town has a horse water trough full of ice and cheap beer cans. Even if you are not hipster enough to like PBR (I apparently am not), you had to order one, just so you don’t stand out too much.
The Chalk Event Board: I am a real nerd about chalk boards. No self respecting craft beer tap room doesn’t have one. Audie’s has one. Checking out the board during band breaks is a classic past-time for me.
The Bathroom Door Sticker Art: I can only assume the girls bathroom is the same but I KNOW the boys has always been covered in band stickers. I really haven’t checked it out close enough to see if they are ever peeled off or if there are years and years of layers.
Audie Chilling In the Corner of the Bar: If you look real close, behind the soundboard, you just might catch a glimpse. Always felt like I was looking behind the curtain at the Wizard of Oz.
The Wall Carpet! Zanny I say (and probably helps with the sound). And all the stuff above the bar. ZANNY!
Pool Table/Merch Table: Of all the years going there, including when it was Club Fred, I think I saw the pool table actually functioning as a pool table, twice. Love picking up merch there so that is ok. Always bring cash for band merch, people, it seriously helps the bands survive.
The Sidewalk Scene: In between bands, more than half the club spills out onto the sidewalk in front of Audie’s. And most aren’t smoking, just getting some air and catching up with folks. Because have you tried having a conversation inside a rock club?
The Couches: It was super rare that I would get the couch in the center of the dance floor. I would occasionally get the one under the control booth. This was always a mistake because you never got up again.
Seeing Rising Bands: Whether it was a Fresno act or a touring act just trying to get noticed. There is no greater pretentious dude joy than to be able to say “I saw that band play at a small club in Fresno before they hit big.” Really this is [was] my favorite thing. And you get to talk to the bands outside during the sidewalk sessions.

Seriously, much love and respect to Audie and what he has done for the music scene in Fresno, it can’t be said enough. Safe travels on his next adventure.

Hopefully the space continues as a rock club. It just has too. Even if the wall carpet has to go.

[photo from David Prasad]