Fresno Needs A Damn Beer Hall!

German Beer Hall – by thorquabbin on Flicker

We do. We need one – you know, when the COVID is gone (someday I hope to delete that statement from this post).

Just a straight up fucking BEER HALL!

Take one large hall. Then add…

  • A bunch of long-ass tables.
  • A solid list of beers on tap.
  • Pitchers (You remember pitchers, right!?)
  • One simple food – likey tacos. All the meat variants and veggie variants – BUT THATS IT! Don’t fuck with a bunch a different things!
  • Lots of water around.
  • A safe, open, welcoming, friendly environment.
  • A large bathroom for all peoples.
  • A large wait staff that comes to your table very regularly so you never have to get up and try to wedge yourself into a busy bar to hopefully get a bartender’s attention.

It’s actually really simple. Not that fucking hard to do and nobody is doing it exactly like that. IT WOULD RAKE!!

And it wouldn’t matter where you put it. How about one of you assholes with money just fucking do it already!?!!

Westwood’s Is Open For The Pro-Pandemic Continuation Community

I heard over the weekend that Westwood’s Spice & Things [close enough] was seating people inside and it was PACKED! Like, security directing traffic in the parking lot, packed.

Then this happened:

We can’t get our dumb ass out of the purple. Why can’t Clovis start their own County and leave us alone!? (I also have heard that many Clovis restaurants don’t care about the Pandemic either)

So I gut-reaction-tweeted and a certain NE Fresno dude quoted it:

Man, I don’t know *exhales* *runs fingers through hair* *exhales again* … I don’t know why I engaged with Fresno’s child. I have spent years walking away and not saying anything. Because why, really? The dude doesn’t get it and loves attention, so why bother with him? But I did:

Maybe it was the half of a 7.5% IPA I was drinking or maybe it was him using my tweet for his own means, but I finally acknowledged the dude. Of course, I had to use a Star Wars reference as a safe space.

Look, man. You do your thing. If you just GOTTA eat INSIDE that restaurant and gather with a bunch of other people, during a Pandemic, all while much of the staff hasn’t been able to get vaccinated yet and are risking their lives and their family’s lives so you can own the Libs or whatever, I can’t stop ya.

I’ll continue getting take-out and tipping as much as I can, maybe eating in a patio someday. It’s really only a couple months more, guys. Westwoods will still be there.

The Cool As Hell Bart Simpson Fresno Mural Is Already Gone

I thought Floydy photoshop it. When I realized it was real it was like “Oh wow, how cool.”

You don’t always see cool stuff like that just come out of nowhere.

In case you didn’t recognize the Downtown Club that was Bart Simpson on that old parking garage at Inyo coming up on Van Ness.

And then it was gone.

Lame, dude.

At least some of us got to enjoy it for a weekend.

Earthquake Near Fresno Is No Fault Of Our Own

Fault lines in Central California

Above is a map of all the fault lines in the Central Valley. With the exception of the extreme South Valley, there are no faults on the valley floor.

Yeah? Then how did THIS happen, bro!?

Earthquake outside Lemoore Tuesday night

Sure that is a tiny earthquake. Maybeeee somebody around Lemoore or Hanford felt it, if they were really paying attention, but that’s about it.

How does this happen with no fault lines?

Fracking? Is anyone out there fracking around on the Valley Floor? I don’t know. Maybe.

Even science is not all that sure how this can happen, but there is one explanation:

Earthquakes occurring away from tectonic plate boundaries can be triggered by the rise and fall of hot material through the Earth’s mantle

Woah. “Hot material” eh? We talkin’ magma? Magma? Fun to say it isn’t it? MAG-ma. Come on say it with me, “MAGma”.

Yeah so maybe there is some ancient volcano under the valley floor and stuff. Not to alarm anyone or anything.

Since this quake happened almost directly below Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in Lemoore, I prefer to think it was somebody’s sick drop-in.

Oh since we’re talking about the Surf Ranch, the world famous You Tuber, Casey Neistat, visited the place recently and gave a nice account of what it’s like to get a chance to surf there:

🤙

Is Maroo Closed?

The now FORMER Maroo’s

Yes. Yes it’s fucking closed. Dammit. That sucks.

Not closed in a “We’ll be back when this is over” kind of way. Nope. It’s gone.

It kinda makes sense. Before everything went South, they weren’t all that busy. A Friday night was about the only time it was kinda lively.

Then the Pandemic hits and that’s that.

I will miss this place. Really solid sushi. End of a Fresno sushi era. Good luck to everyone that worked there.

Does Fresno Have A Great Grocery Store?


I don’t know that we do.

Let’s just pull Save Marts off the board. Don’t get me wrong; they are workhorses. I’m thankful for them. It’s where I do the bulk of my shopping. But I am not aware that any of them are “great” stores.

Yes, you can drop the Wincos and Pack-n-Save and anything with “bargin” or “outlet” or “dollar” in the title. They are trash, but can serve a purpose for a neighborhood so I will at least give them props for being in areas where nobody will go.

And no, Costco is not an everyday grocery store. It’s a nightmare.

Vons? Well, I do like Vons and as a former employee, I am partial to them. But fuck them since they completely left the western side of Fresno. (I miss the Blackstone, First & Tulare and Marks & Shaw Vons greatly)

Every city seems to have a Whole Foods, a Trader Joe’s and a Sprouts. I am not going to count those since they are out-of-the-region chains. I haven’t even been to the new Trader Joe’s (wrong side of 41 for me now, bro). Drop them.

We are whittling it down here now.

The Tower Market? No. It serves the neighborhood, props for that, but nah.

The Vallarta on Clinton & 99? Maybe. I have not been in there, I am embarrassed to say. So I cannot accurately give it a call either way. For the sake of finishing this post and using firsthand feedback, I am going to say that it is good but not great.

Unless I am missing something, we are left with The Market at Herndon & West. Is The Market a GREAT grocery store? …

[rubs forehead and thinks]

It’s… you know, it’s… well it’s GOOD. Good but not great. So I guess Fresno does not have a great grocery store. Case closed.

Hit me up on Twitter if you feel otherwise.

Inspiration for this post: