Don’t You People Have Homes To Go To?


I just came back from Fig Garden Village and there are a ton of freaking Fresnans out there!

Wassaaaabi’s? Packed. The patio was full and there were, like, eight people waiting for a table. THIS IS AT 2:45 on a Saturday!

Whole Foods? Packed. Long line to get in and very busy in the store. Like, so busy they might as well have not had a line to get in. It was near impossible to distance from people in there and I don’t think the line outside would have made it much worse. Fuck it, let all in.

I had not been inside Whole Foods since March and I was surprised to find it just as busy (if not more so) than Save Mart. At least Save Mart has more space to keep away from yahoos.

Jack’s Urban Eats? Busy too. wasn’t completely packed but busy and junk. Again, this is 2:45 in the afternoon.

To top it all off, it is smokey as hell. It wasn’t so bad in the morning, but the winds shifted or something and things got nasty.

BUT YOU ALL JUST PACKED OUT THE PARKING LOT PATIO AT OUT OF THE BARREL LIKE NOT A DAMN THING IS GOING ON!

Dude. All the tables at Out Of The Barrel were full. Mostly full of people that are not in a “bubble” together. You could not have fit more people out there. Since everyone is drinking, no masks.

I suppose that’s cool when it’s a handful of people, but this was too much for me brain to bare.

I was going to pick up some beer there but decided to skip it after seeing that.

Maybe a little part of me has respect for people saying, “Fuck it. I don’t care if it’s a Pandemic. I don’t care that the air is shit. I’m going to live my life and if I die, I die!”

But the rest of me? People. Is eating and drinking in a parking lot or smokey patio really all that?

We are never going to get out of this, are we?

Just go home, Fresno.

Rest In Peace, Tom Seaver

A young Tom Seaver as a Met – picture available here

My first real sports hero was, Tom Seaver.

Even though I was (and still am) an Oakland A’s fan, how could Tom NOT be a hero to a Fresno kid?!

One of the greatest pitchers in baseball and he’s from the same place I am? All around considered to be a nice dude? Definitely Fresno Hero worthy.

When we had a few bucks in our pockets, my friends and I would ride our bikes to Fig Tree Liquor to buy some baseball cards. He had the best baseball cards outside of a card shop.

It just so happens the “he” was Tom Seaver’s Father-in-law.

He knew us as regulars and baseball fans, what with all the cards we bought. I’m not sure if it was my dad that told me or it was Tom Seaver’s Father-in-law himself that did, but we knew who he was.

We would occasionally ask him how Tom was and if he had come back to Fresno recently. Usually the answer was “No not lately. He stays pretty much at home up in Northern California.” But we would still ask.

Tom’s Father-in-law (I guess that’s his name now) would keep some pictures that he had Tom sign, underneath his counter. This is one he gave me:

It was a big deal for me at the time. I have it displayed on a shelf to this day.

Here is a piece of Tom’s Baseball Hall Of Fame speech. The only time I am aware of that Fresno is mentioned in a HOF speech:

Rest In Peace, Tom Terrific. Thanks for your contribution to Fresno.

Fresno Fashion Isn’t Fair: Famous People – Joshua Tehee

One of the byproducts of the pandemic and sheltering-in-place is getting nostalgic for things. When you are an odd person like me, apparently the nostalgia rabbit hole goes down to old Fresno websites.

I randomly ran into my friend and podcast co-host, Joshua Tehee, while picking up beer at Zack’s Brewing in Downtown Fresno. I had to take a picture as I have not seen the dude in-person in a while and certainly not with his mask on.

It reminded me of a segment on the old Fresno Famous website called “Famous People”. A Fresnan is asked a series of fashion-related questions. Those questions would be turned into a blog post.

So I reenacted this segment on my Instagram page and Josh was nice enough to play along. These are exactly how the questions used to go:

Name: Famous Whitewater.
Spotted: Zack's Brewing.
Occupation: Writer at the Fresno Bee. Instructor at Aikido of Fresno. Local musician, It'll Grow Back, Strikingly Originals and more. Podcast host.
The Ensemble: Mask from Take Care Supply. Shirt from $crap$ Shoppe. Pants from Chrome Industries. Helmet from Explore Thousand. Watch by Timex and Engineered Garments.
Fashion Philosophy: Don't buy cheap clothes. Buy one thing that will last forever.
Place To Shop: (See shops above).
How Much Would You Pay For Shoes?: I haven't tested my upper limit but it would be a lot, I'm sure.

Thanks for playing along, Josh. And if I can revive any other old Fresno Famous things, I’ll let you guys know.

A Guide To Finding the NEOWISE Comet In The Fresno Sky From A Dumb Dumb

From Space.com and NASA – How To Find NEOWISE

I know little to nothing about stars and stuff. But I do enjoy them. And pretending I know. And I really like starting at Space.

Thursday night my dumbass managed to find the NEOWISE Comet in the Fresno sky. If you’re like me and too lazy to drive out to the country to get a clean look, you can still give it a try in town.

Here is how:

  • Wait until dusk is giving way to night (9:15 ish?).
  • Look at the Northwest Sky. Like, as if you could see the Taco Bell at Herndon & Marks in the sky. If you live West of Herndon & Marks, look at Taco Bell in the sky then turn around.
  • Find the Big Dipper (it’s literally the only thing outside of the Moon I can ever identify quickly).
  • Point at the “bottom star” of the dipper.
  • Follow your pointer finger down to the tree line.
  • Hopefully, around there, you’ll see a star with a smoggy, dust-like tail.

It definitely helps to at least have some binoculars and an open view of the NW sky.

It’s not out very long. It lasted maybe an hour on Thursday and Friday.

For tips on photographing it and stuff, Space has some.

*If you’re reading this after July 23rd, NEOWISE is pretty much gone. Sorry, brah.

5 Weird Places Fresnans Get Spam/Telemarking Calls From

Why does the 559 get the spam and telemarking calls from such weird-ass places?

Here are the top 5 I have gotten calls from:

  1. Badger, California.

Is this a real place? Do they mean Badger Pass? Is it Badger from Breaking Bad? It’s actually a spot in the woods that is East of Fresno but technically in Tulare County. The only thing there is a place called Seven Circles Retreat. I feel like I don’t want to REALLY know what goes on there so I’m going to leave this one alone. Still like to think it’s Badger though.

2. Loomis, California.

It sounds like a condition, not a place. It’s Northeast of Sacramento by Folsom Prison. Hey, that’s the place Johnny Cash shot a man just to watch him bleed, right? Wait … … no that’s right.

3. Moorpark, California.

Moorpark? More like ummmmm, MOORAFILL park!

4. Parlier, California.

Alright, well, this is not weird. We all know Parlier as the place on the way to Bakersfield where 99 curves a bit, wait no, that’s PIXLEY. I don’t know what goes on there. But I get a lot of random Parlier calls, okay.

5. Miramonte, California.

Isn’t that, like, an Air Force base or some shit? Where they blast rockets off into space and junk? No, that’s Miramar. Oh no, Miramar is the base in San Diego. Vandenberg is the Air Force base where they occasionally scare people with their launches:

Were Those UFOs Over Fresno Saturday?

No, those were not UFOs over Fresno’s evening sky. We now know (thanks to this ABC 30 post) they were Internet Balloons or whatever.

I noticed them last evening (the two bright dots in the top right of my picture above) while staring at stuff. I first thought “Am I seeing something cool finally?”

Then thought “Nope. There is no way YOU, Mikey, are seeing something cool. There must be an explanation.” Last night I figured I was seeing a couple of stars shining through the atmosphere brighter than normal because of …. space reasons.

But now we know they were something called Project Loon (click it to find out more). This was the flight path of one of the balloons:

I’ll keep looking up. Maybe one day it will be something cooler than a balloon. Here is a video about Loon: