I’ll Get You For This, Whole Foods Fresno

They thought they could fool me with the blue cheese and caesar dressing

You mother. fuckers. You did it to me again, Whole Foods Fig Garden. I built my salad only to discover NO FUCKING RANCH?!?!

Are you getting back at me for this post? Is Jeff Bezos so cheap he is instructing you not to put out ranch?!

When you start filling the salad bar in the morning, the first thing you should put out is the ranch. If you don’t have it, put up a sign that says “We are out of ranch. Salad bar closed indefinitely.”

I am putting your salad bar on suspension for the next year. Also, you suck.

Northeast Fresno Doesn’t Deserve The New Benaddiction

“Who Made Who” is my go-to dish at Benaddiction

Hey, I’m happy for the owners of Benaddiction, getting a new place. A nice big fresh spot. I am sure it will do well. They totally 100% deserve it! They are good folks and worked hard for this.

BUT! (you know there is a ‘but’ coming)

But, it’s kinda fucked up for those of us that live by the NW location. That have been supporting the Bullard & Marks spot all these freaking years.

Braving the long waits and postage stamp sized suite wedged next to a pool supply shop and a Supercuts training center, in hopes of one day raising the stature of the place to a full-sized NW Fresno location.

Finally it happed. Only North EAST Fresno, (the Taint District no less) got the new bigness. It feels like NW Fresno put in the work and NE got the reward.

This is how OG hardcore Green Day and Jawbreaker fans must have felt when the bands signed their first label deal.

No, I won’t be turning my back to them as they play onstage. So, I will still go to the Bullard & Marks location. And love the food.

But I might carry a chip on my shoulder when I do. Maybe mutter under-my-breath “sellouts” as I am getting seated, just to make myself feel better, I guess.

The “Who Made Who” will still taste good, just not as satisfying.

The Best Salsa For A Quesadilla from Quesadilla Gorilla Is…

I need four YES FOUR salsas when I get some Quesadilla Gorilla!

There can be only one salsa that is the BEST salsa at Quesadilla Gorilla and that is the one on the right: Cilantro Cream.

  • Roasted Sour Cream? No.
  • Avocado Salsa? Fine but no.
  • Roasted Red Salsa? You would think but NO!
  • Spicy Salsa Verde? Pretty good but still NO!
  • Habanero Salsa? Totally NO!
  • Liquid Gold? Awesome name but actually terrible.

You can go at me in the comments all you want if you disagree, but you will be wrong.

Does Fresno Have A Great Grocery Store?


I don’t know that we do.

Let’s just pull Save Marts off the board. Don’t get me wrong; they are workhorses. I’m thankful for them. It’s where I do the bulk of my shopping. But I am not aware that any of them are “great” stores.

Yes, you can drop the Wincos and Pack-n-Save and anything with “bargin” or “outlet” or “dollar” in the title. They are trash, but can serve a purpose for a neighborhood so I will at least give them props for being in areas where nobody will go.

And no, Costco is not an everyday grocery store. It’s a nightmare.

Vons? Well, I do like Vons and as a former employee, I am partial to them. But fuck them since they completely left the western side of Fresno. (I miss the Blackstone, First & Tulare and Marks & Shaw Vons greatly)

Every city seems to have a Whole Foods, a Trader Joe’s and a Sprouts. I am not going to count those since they are out-of-the-region chains. I haven’t even been to the new Trader Joe’s (wrong side of 41 for me now, bro). Drop them.

We are whittling it down here now.

The Tower Market? No. It serves the neighborhood, props for that, but nah.

The Vallarta on Clinton & 99? Maybe. I have not been in there, I am embarrassed to say. So I cannot accurately give it a call either way. For the sake of finishing this post and using firsthand feedback, I am going to say that it is good but not great.

Unless I am missing something, we are left with The Market at Herndon & West. Is The Market a GREAT grocery store? …

[rubs forehead and thinks]

It’s… you know, it’s… well it’s GOOD. Good but not great. So I guess Fresno does not have a great grocery store. Case closed.

Hit me up on Twitter if you feel otherwise.

Inspiration for this post:

11 Things I’m Thinking While Waiting For My Chipotle Burrito To Be Made

chipotle line

Living in Fresno, it always feels so wrong to go to a chain place to get anything Mexican food related. We make viral burritos and we are the Taco Capital of North America, after all.

That said. Chipotle is quick, tasty and consistent. So even us Fresnans get tempted to go in. My dumbass included.

Here are some things that pop into my head while watching my burrito get built – usually at the Fig Garden location:

  • Oh, this guy again [burrito maker]. He’s cool, makes a good burrito. I wonder if he secretly hates me.
  • Are they ever going to change this industrial airport hanger look? I still like it okay, just wondering.
  • It only takes 5 seconds for the burrito maker to forget what meat I want in the burrito. Steak. I said steak.
  • The cooks seem to have the better gig, meesa thinks. No dealing with us asshole customers asking “Can I have that on the side of… the side and extra of the other thing? Also, no chicken on my chicken burrito, please!”
  • Is the burrito maker starter person the Top Dog in the restaurant? Like, the job to ascend to? Who is the manager here, because I can’t tell.
  • I think the guy behind me is trying to intimidate me to order faster by getting in my personal space. Chill out, bro, you’ll get your double white rice when your time comes.
  • Ha! Corn salsa. Why do people have the corn salsa? WHY!? Such a waist. You totally could of had the good salsa: Pico de gallo. Fun to say, “Picooo de Gallllloooo”.
  • I still don’t know if I have to pay for the guacamole on the side or is it included since I got a burrito but did not have it actually put into said burrito. Whatever, I’ll pay extra. I pay for extra paper bags all the time, like a boss!
  • Does anyone actually get a beer here? I’m a heavy beer drinker and I never have. I need to change that. #goals
  • How do they distribute the tip jar money? Do the cooks get any? Does it go to some sorta fund for an employee pizza party?
  • The new chorizo meat does not look right.

I would feel a lot better about myself if I exclusively burrito-ed local. But I think the occasional Chipotle visit is here to stay. At least they have a very solid Social Media Manager on Twitter to make me feel a little better:

*photo source.

Only Fresno Can Make A Steak n Shake Opening Controversial

steaknshake

Steak n’ Shake Fresno has closed!

UPDATE: Was it the location? Was it the prices? The menu? Your lazy ass not caring about a chain you knew nothing about?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Check out this for more info but you can no longer go to Steak n’ Shake in Fresno. It has closed due to lack of business.

I really don’t think the problem was putting it in the Sunnyside Area of Fresno. It was that particular spot that was the problem. Very odd, like you were in a hidden industrial park.

There are rumors that a North East Fresno location is in the works but I think it is just a rumor.

Oh well. Below is my original post about Steak n’ Shake coming to Fresno.

Original Post:

A little late on this post but… I need to talk about this Steak ‘n Shake that is being built in Fresno on Kings Canyon. Yep, Kings Canyon.

This is a new-to-Fresno burger chain that is out of Normal, Illinois. It has some cult following to it, sorta similar to In & Out and White Castle. It looks like a Johnny Rockets meets Five Guys to me.

I have never eaten or heard about the place before, but I see they got something called the Cheddar Cheesy that I will be all about trying:

cheddar cheesy

The most interesting thing about this place coming to Fresno is not the food. It’s the location. A chain with some buzz around it is being built in Sunnyside area and not on or North of Shaw. About fucking time.

Of course the Internet has issue with the location

Not everyone on Facebook is down with it being at Kings Canyone & Peach. An example:

beth

Well, Beth. That deserves some replies. Don’t you think?

wow-beth

I love the last comment from Rosie, “Wow Beth!”  … Wow Beth. I really like saying that, “WOW, Beth!” I think I will be using that in my everyday life from now on. Whenever somebody does something that’s surprising or controversial or something unexpected happens, I will be saying “Wow, Beth” as a response. I hope you will join me.

Oh but Beth was not alone. There were others. Like, John:

steak-n-shake-facebook

There is a lot more than those but you get the idea.

The Sunnyside Area Deserves Nice Things

Hey, a burger joint in a Wal-Mart Center might not be considered a “nice thing” but it’s still cool.

The Sunnyside area deserves this. They were supposed to get a new “River Park Style” shopping area and that has never happened.

But if you still feel like your Northeast Flowvis area is “underserved”, you can always look into franchising a Steak n’ Shake on Willow & Nees for yourself.

Hopefully, this new Sunnyside burger joint will have Steak ‘n Shake suits like the old ones:

https://youtu.be/c-1WX_OG8Zk

Don’t forget: “Wow, Beth.” This is a thing. It has begun.