Who The Hell Were All Those Damn People At Fresyes Fest?

Like many of you, I was at Fresyes Fest at Tigoa Sequoia on Saturday. But I came really close to not being there. You saw that line waiting to get in, right? Yeah I saw it too. Forget that noise.

But wait. I gotta blog about something. I guess I will go stand in line and all that crap.

Plus I really like good beer. And it was THE event in Fresno this past weekend.

No it wasn’t the last two nights at Audie’s (although it was pretty epic, I hear). And it wasn’t even Easter. It was Fresyes Fest. Sorry, Jesus, it’s true.

So the main thing I noticed while in there? It wasn’t the food trucks taking up Fulton Street. Or the fine beer TS pours. Or the pro stage. It wasn’t even Swear Bear emptying cups:

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Photo by Craig Kohlruss (@ck_foto)
It was all the weird, unfamiliar people. Where did all these random Valley folks come from and who are they!?

Seriously though: Who the fuck were they?!  And I use fuck in the sweetest way. Like, when a friend tells you their Great Uncle died last week. “Fuck. I’m sorry man.” That’s how I’m using it. Fuck can still be sweet and pack a punch. It’s versatile like that.

If you looked real close Saturday, you would have seen a few OG bloggers huddled in a shaded corner wondering where the time went. And yes, also still wondering who the fuck these people are.

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FresYes Fest crowd at Tioga’s Beer Garden
Old Man Fresno rant!: “Back in my day, the only festival we had was the Fig Gig and that’s the way we liked it! No fancy hipster food trucks. No cute picnic tables inside a nice big Beer Garden. Our “beer garden” was a 50×50 foot taped-off piece of blacktop behind the Applebee’s, and that’s the way we liked it and we were happy to get it!”

That’s right, children. Fig Gig. It… it was something to go to. Technically. And we didn’t have to worry about lines or choices of beer. Sanger Light Bud Light and Bud Ice anyone?

Now you have FresYes Fest. And Grizzly Fest and Whatever Is Happening This Weekend Fest. I think Fresno is doing pretty damn good in the festival department now. Even if I don’t know WHO THE FUCK anybody is at these things.

You don’t know how good you have it, you Fresno Millennials. You have a downtown to be pumped about and a thriving festival scene. There used to be just Bud Light and caution tape.

Fulton Street? Dude. So Not Impressed.

Okay. So yeah, I know I’ve been away for a while, not blogging about Fresno and stuff. And yes, this Fulton Mall becoming Fulton Street is the big cool thing in Fresno right now. And I am sorry to write such a negative post, right off the bat.

But I am not feeling Fulton Street:

fulton-street Fulton Street? Dude. So Not Impressed.
The “new look” of Fulton Street

I know the project was short two million but I think they could have done better than that.

Sure it’s nice fresh asphalt. Fresh new asphalt is super pleasing. I can smell this new Fulton Street and be transported back to the 1950s. I can almost see Bob Falfa’s 55 Chevy looking for somebody to race.

And, okay, the art and the fountains all seem to still be in place, so that’s cool. But gosh, I was expecting a little more.

While I’m here, would it really cost that much to at least clean up the construction mess? I was totally stoked to go cruising down Fulton Street like my grandpa and stuff but there’s all the things in the way:

fulton-street-cleanup Fulton Street? Dude. So Not Impressed.

HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DRIVE THROUGH THIS, SWEAR BEAR?! PICK UP THE SHIZZ! Maybe get Mayor Swear’s church group out there to clean it up or something?

Geez. I came back for this?