Fresno – Page 17 – The Fresnan

Joe Rogan Called Fresno Sketchy. Why Didn’t It Go As Crazy As the ‘Firestone Flap’?

November 16, 2019November 16, 2019 The Fresnan

You saw last week or more when Joe Rogan gushed about Chef Paul’s and called Fresno Sketchy, right? A bro in L.A. wanted to make sure we knew:

https://twitter.com/WorstBeerBlog/status/1195388465044549632

Fresnans did, in fact, ‘cancel Joe’ if getting upset is canceling. But Rogan did not respond to anything on Twitter or wherever else, because he is JOE FUCKING ROGAN! Why would he? And he’s a comedian MMA guy turned huge podcaster, who cares?

So there was nobody fighting, impossible for it to go viral. But who really totally knows why things go freaking viral!? It’s a bunch of little things, IMO.

Speaking of a bunch of little things turning into something…

Why did Fresno get so mad at Firestone Walker Brewing?

The Firestone Walker fight (the ‘Firestone Flap’ as I like to call it and nobody else cares enough to call it that and be nerdy like me, and that’s ok [sadness]) blew up so big, bigger than Joe Rogan’s brief backhanded compliment to a Fresno restaurant, because….

BACKSTORY TIME!:

Fresno is drowning in Firestone beer. It’s everywhere. EVERYWHERE!

Hell, it’s bigger than White Claw and has been for years.

Any damn place in Fresno that might even THINK of having craft beer, has Firestone. Fresno and the 559 are almost forced to spend a lot of money on 805, Luponic Distortion 1 thru infinity, and whatever mixed-pack is taking up an end or a full island, at Save Mart.

I do not have the stats but I would guess that half the tanks in Paso are paid for with 559 money. We might even drink more Firestone Walker beer than people living in the 805.

Now, add to this, we have always suspected the Central Coast does not like us Central Valley folks. Every once in awhile there will be a racist or pretentious comment lobbed our way from the coast. Sometimes we ignore it sometimes we don’t.

So that’s just a LITTLE bit of our Paso Robles history.

Cut to a lazy Sunday morning in Fresno. Fresno Twitter is relaxing, fat and happy from a John Legend visit, and a subsequent positive Fresno Tweet, enjoying breakfast burritos & coffee, scrolling Twitter and the webs and such.

Then it happened.

first-tweet Joe Rogan Called Fresno Sketchy. Why Didn't It Go As Crazy As the 'Firestone Flap'?

Someone responds to John Legend’s Tweet with a negative Fresno bash. Who cares, right!?!

Except, the person bashing Fresno works at Firestone Walker. The person lives in Paso (How is that better than being from Fresno?). And, most importantly, this person is the Communications Manager for Firestone Walker Brewing.

Don’t they know? Don’t they know Fresno loves Firestone? Don’t they know how much beer we buy from them? Don’t they talk about us? Don’t they respect us at all? Don’t they think we’re super cool!? Don’t they know their restaurant/taproom is our first stop on our way to a fun and relaxing coastal weekend!?

All this love and money Fresno gives and it turns out Paso Robles thinks we’re a shithole and is not even classy enough to NOT say it publicly.?!?

Fix Your Broke Ass Door, Jeff Bezos

October 1, 2019October 1, 2019 The Fresnan

It’s been, like, two weeks, Whole Foods Fresno. Two freaking weeks I had to walk around to your main entrance instead of walking through this now dysfunctional door.

That extra walking? Not planned!

Like, 20 seconds each way. Since I have had to do it twice, that adds up to 80,000 seconds. Stop making me walk. I already couldn’t park in MY SPOT in the parking lot and now I have to do extra walking. Torture.

Maybe you can search on Amazon for “sliding door parts, retail” or something…. oh wait, would you like to change that door to a Barn Door style? They love that shit on the home-flipping shows:

amazon-sliding-door Fix Your Broke Ass Door, Jeff Bezos

Question: Does Whole Foods have to pay for Amazon Prime to get free shipping or is that a company discount thing?

How about just searching for a local door guy. Let’s look together:

fresno-door-repair Fix Your Broke Ass Door, Jeff Bezos

We have a few possibilities but we may need to find a specialist. These seem like glass dudes. Well, I guess we’re both screwed.

I dunno, man, since Amazon bought Whole Foods, been pretty bad. Rinky dink. Next thing you know you’re going to run out of ranch dressing.

The Smalls: Issue 1

September 28, 2019September 28, 2019 The Fresnan

Sometimes I have little dumb thoughts that are not worthy of a whole post or even Fresno related. So here is a new segment for the blog: “The Smalls”.

Don’t Go, Summer!

I am going to miss the hell out of Pool Season. The weekends won’t be the same. I do appreciate not having to worry about 90s or triple digits until next year sometime, though. I really think Fresno should have a name for when we are officially done with the heat for the year.

I have been racking my Fresno brain trying to come up with a name for it. A name that represents us getting through the heat. Embracing what makes Fresno unique (including the heat) is always something I’m into. If you think of a name for it, let me know.

TikTok and Space Pants

Can someone stop these TikTok dancing bro guys from appearing on social media ads all over my damn feed!? I get it, they look like guys that have been tailgating an Alabama football game for ten years and yet they can do a dance sequence for 15 seconds. Please tell me TikTok is more interesting than this. On second thought, don’t, I don’t need to know. Dance on, bros.

That rant aside, now my beer and notebook nerdness is contributing to the TikTok . Look what you have done, Dancing Bros!:

https://twitter.com/MikeyTopPour/status/1177815855452704769?s=20

Don’t Dash Me, Bro!

I don’t like using Door Dash or any other food delivery service. It freaks me the hell out that some random dude is handling my poke bowl or cheese enchiladas. I’ll just pick it up myself, thanks. Although I do like the marketing of Postmates and I’ve seen some key places (Casa Corona, etc) around Fresno using them. Still creeps me out, I’ll continue to not.

Keep Infilling, Bro!

The new Chevron at Herndon & Brawley is nice. Super wide, so much room for so many activities. Since going back to fig orchards is apparently not an option, I’m happy to see this area finally get some infill, especially with useful things.

AMPM and a Dutch Bros will be up soon. Close by, the Mad Duck NW is still in line-out-the-door mode. I’d love to see a park right next to the new Chevron. That space is not supposed to have buildings anyway since it’s a dump-spot for planes flying into Sierra Sky Park.

I have always wanted to see a restaurant right next to Sierra Sky Park. There is a spot right on Herndon (next to the runway) that used to house small planes. Now it’s just empty space, and a restaurant with parking for planes would be rad there!

Sorta related:

When a Paragraph Is a Subtweet

I rarely find myself in NE Fresno, but recently I was on Millbrook, going North and had to turn left onto Nees. There is no turn signal and the intersection is especially large and weird and kinda dangerous as hell. I think NW Fresno needs to get themselves a Councilman that pays attention to these kinds of things instead of what “Liberals” are doing. Or I’ll just try harder to keep out of NE.

Was This Cool Enough?

This post is kinda where I think the direction my future newsletter will be taking. If you think you’d be into that being in your inbox, you can sign up below:

I had the Jack In The Box Tiny Tacos and they’re perfect

September 2, 2019September 28, 2019 The Fresnan

I’m here in Fresno and lucky? enough for me, it is the capital for fast food restaurants to test their experimental items and see if it would work for the rest of the country.

Ya know those Dorito shell Taco Bell tacos? We gave that to you, America.

Right now the big thing being tested in town are the mini versions of Jack in the Box’s classic tacos, called, Tiny Tacos.

I guess it’s sorta embarrassing but I have always loved Jack’s tacos (without lettuce, of course). They always hit the spot for me and I like them over Taco Bell’s hard shell tacos. Call me weird.

To be clear, I don’t like them over actual, real tacos, just over Taco Bell’s.

Jack in the Box’s Tiny Tacos are exactly what you think and exactly want I wanted from them. A strip down version of their taco in bite-sized form. I didn’t even need to ask for no lettuce.

Top Five Hardest Fresno Street Names To Spell

August 20, 2019August 25, 2019 The Fresnan

Spelling is hard. Hard for me, anyway. This blog would be a disaster without spellcheck.

Not only are regular words tough, sometimes, so are Fresno street names. Here are five common Fresno streets that I always mess up spelling.

5. Ashlan. I always want to say “Ashland”.

4. Maroa. The o & a combo throws me.

3. Divisadero. It seems like the “a” should be an “i”.

2. Stanislaus. A lot of s to deal with.

1.Tuolumne. Where the hell did you even come from, “n”?!

I’m not the only Fresnan in town that sucks at spelling. Just a few of the replies on Twitter:

Mad Duck Brewing NW Fresno: Fresnan Review

August 10, 2019August 10, 2019 The Fresnan 1 Comment

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A quickass review of Mad Duck Craft Brewing Co’s new brewpub in NW Fresno: It’s cool.

There. There’s a quickass review.

Alright, a little more reviewing…

So, there are many areas of Fresno that are underserved, most certainly. Sometimes it feels like Fresno is only River Park, Downtown, Fig Garden Village, Tower, and Fashion Fair. If a place isn’t in one of those areas then it doesn’t exist. Small city ways.

NW Fresno has been begging for a place like Mad Duck, even if it didn’t know it. The new location is at the NE corner of Herndon & Marks (across from Taco Bell, behind the Starbucks and new Ampersand Ice Cream.

They picked a good spot.

mad-duck-bar Mad Duck Brewing NW Fresno: Fresnan Review

It’s small, or at least feels small, in comparison to the Campus Point location. Before I saw it I was bummed that it was small. Small means more waiting for tables, in my eyes. While that may be true, I like the vibe the small gives. It feels more social and neighborhood than Campus Point.

The combination of the North West Fresno crowd and the Mad Duck brewpub atmosphere, if I could pick one band that could describe the vibe it would be Fleetwood Mac.

I can take or leave Fleetwood Mac but that feeling you get when you’re in a good mood, just starting to relax and forget life, you have a couple of beers in ya and the perfect part of a song comes on and you’re like “Yeah, man, this.” That is Mad Duck NW Fresno. Classic rock in new packaging.

The patio is big enough and cool but it’s not shaded properly. I don’t understand, in Fresno, if you have the budget to build a patio but don’t shade it properly, it makes zero sense. There were two people on the patio, huddled against the wall trying to bleed any full shade they could from the building and the only reason they were out there at all was the fact that they had a dog with them. So, hey, I guess they allow dogs on the patio if you were wondering.

Shade your patios properly, Fresno. In case you have not noticed, the sun is a bastard around here.

Mad-Duck-loaded-tots Mad Duck Brewing NW Fresno: Fresnan Review

So the food seems to be the same as the Campus Point location, along with the beer. Since this location also has brewing equipment, I hope that each location will have its own beer. Meaning, one you can only get at THAT location. That would be cool for us beer geeks.

Mad-Duck-Brewing Mad Duck Brewing NW Fresno: Fresnan Review

If you’re wondering what the best beer they make is, I say it’s the Citra. And The NW Fresno location’s is very solid, so far. The almond brown and the “Dog Daze” are too bad either. Hope the guest taps start getting more interesting.

Overall, solid fun neighborhood place. Fresno needs more neighborhood spots, like ALL Fresno neighborhoods, and hopefully, this proves this part of NW Fresno deserves more. See ya there.