Updated: Fresno Summer Checklist

Paletas

This year’s Summer has started out pretty mild, you have to admit. But there are a few months of heat and whatnot inevitably ahead.

So here are things to look out for or remember to do, so that you can enjoy Fresno’s Summer:

  • Water.
  • Beer.
  • Mountain hikes.
  • Patios at night.
  • Beach days.
  • Standing in front of open freezer doors.
  • Paletas.
  • Seeing a Rodger Rocka’s show.
  • Beer.
  • Spray containing deet.
  • Shaded breezeways.
  • Pool.
  • Slip N Slide.
  • Grizzlies game.
  • Sunblock.
  • More water.
  • Snow cone related food trucks.
  • Afternoon movies.
  • Barbecue.
  • Things in and around lakes.
  • Cold showers.
  • Beer Gardens (Gazebo, Tioga, etc).
  • Fashion Fair (inside).
  • Industrial grade fans.
  • Sprinklers.
  • Beer.

More water is no joke, ya gots to stay hydrated with all that beer drinking.

And here is something to think about as you go: Has complaining about the heat ever made it cooler?…

The Condiment Of Fresno: Salsa or Ranch?

I was going to write a post simply about ranch dressing. Fresno loves it. I get that most of the country does, but Fresno seems to love it more.

We also love salsa too. But salsa is limited. You are probably not going to get salsa with your meal unless you’re eating Mexican food.

Ranch goes with pizza, salad, fries, sandwiches, with another ranch, the list goes on. But is it loved over salsa?

I DON’T MIND PAYING FOR RANCH

We all got pissed when Me & Ed’s starting charging for ranch. At this point though, I gotta say, I support paying for ranch. As long as a place gladly forks over the ranch and it’s in a decent sized container, I will happily pay.

Not every place hands over the ranch easy. They act like you’re trying to get one over on them. I can see in their eyes what they’re thinking “What’s this guy trying to pull, with these two ranches? Is he trying to make a meal out of it?”

I’m not trying to pull anything, dude! Stop acting like this is the first time anyone has ordered ranch!

If you are a business in Fresno, you should always have ranch at the ready and be happy to part with a reasonable amount.

Hell, even places that don’t serve food should at least keep a bottle around or be ready to whip up a fresh batch, you know, just in case.

BUT SALSA, BRO, WHAT ABOUT SALSA?

So, easy choice; ranch is the Condiment of Fresno.

Hold on, chief. Salsa is pretty damn big here, too. We love them damn tacos. Tacos tacos tacos.

Chips & salsa. All day. I cannot ever remember a session when I thought ”Ok, that is enough chips & salsa for me.” I am always having to use restraint when stopping.

Salsa on every bite of my breakfast burrito. Every bite.

So, Which is it? Salsa or Ranch?

Maybe we can think outside the box here. Start putting ranch on things we put salsa on and salsa on pizza things.

Ranch on tacos? Ok, we can try that. But…

Taco Bell did it? Nevermind.

So now what do we do? I’m torn.

Fuck it, it’s ranch. Ranch is the Official Condiment Of Fresno. I expect it to be given a day by the City Of Fresno soon. Fight me in the comments.

*If you’d like to hear me debate this, listen for it late in this month’s episode of Flowing With Famous: