I know little to nothing about stars and stuff. But I do enjoy them. And pretending I know. And I really like starting at Space.

Thursday night my dumbass managed to find the NEOWISE Comet in the Fresno sky. If you’re like me and too lazy to drive out to the country to get a clean look, you can still give it a try in town.

Here is how:

• Wait until dusk is giving way to night (9:15 ish?).
• Look at the Northwest Sky. Like, as if you could see the Taco Bell at Herndon & Marks in the sky. If you live West of Herndon & Marks, look at Taco Bell in the sky then turn around.
• Find the Big Dipper (it’s literally the only thing outside of the Moon I can ever identify quickly).
• Point at the “bottom star” of the dipper.
• Follow your pointer finger down to the tree line.
• Hopefully, around there, you’ll see a star with a smoggy, dust-like tail.

It definitely helps to at least have some binoculars and an open view of the NW sky.

It’s not out very long. It lasted maybe an hour on Thursday and Friday.

For tips on photographing it and stuff, Space has some.

*If you’re reading this after July 23rd, NEOWISE is pretty much gone. Sorry, brah.

Why does the 559 get the spam and telemarking calls from such weird-ass places?

Here are the top 5 I have gotten calls from:

1. Badger, California.

Is this a real place? Do they mean Badger Pass? Is it Badger from Breaking Bad? It’s actually a spot in the woods that is East of Fresno but technically in Tulare County. The only thing there is a place called Seven Circles Retreat. I feel like I don’t want to REALLY know what goes on there so I’m going to leave this one alone. Still like to think it’s Badger though.

2. Loomis, California.

It sounds like a condition, not a place. It’s Northeast of Sacramento by Folsom Prison. Hey, that’s the place Johnny Cash shot a man just to watch him bleed, right? Wait … … no that’s right.

3. Moorpark, California.

Moorpark? More like ummmmm, MOORAFILL park!

4. Parlier, California.

Alright, well, this is not weird. We all know Parlier as the place on the way to Bakersfield where 99 curves a bit, wait no, that’s PIXLEY. I don’t know what goes on there. But I get a lot of random Parlier calls, okay.

5. Miramonte, California.

Isn’t that, like, an Air Force base or some shit? Where they blast rockets off into space and junk? No, that’s Miramar. Oh no, Miramar is the base in San Diego. Vandenberg is the Air Force base where they occasionally scare people with their launches: