This Is A Garbage Post

Enough! Last straw, Creepy Truck Guy that picks through my recycling at night. You wanna take stuff out, that’s fine. Just don’t start mixing, dammit!

One trash-day morning before leaving for work, I noticed some of my recycling on the ground instead of in the bin. I stop to pick it up and then notice a whole grip of recycling material had been “transferred” over into my grey garbage bin.

Obviously, scavengers had been on the street last night and made their search through the blue bin easier by tossing recycling into the grey bin, then leaving it there.

This Is Not A Rant About Scavengers.

Normally I don’t have a problem with people picking recycling out of my bin. If you want to work that hard to nab (what I assume is) fifty cents worth of cans and plastic bottles that I’m too lazy to bring to the recycling center, have at it.

But when you start compromising the green or grey bins with items that were intended for the recycling bin? Fuck you.

Really I am just pissed because you just made more work for me. I am going to pick through my own trash and save my cans now. Yep, no soup for you, buddy.

I go through a lot of cans too. The shift to packaging more craft beer in cans is definitely reflected in my blue bin. Big revenue hit there, pal.

(Is it big revenue? I have no idea.)

Will Creepy Truck Guy get this message?

Doubt it. I even started spacing my blue bin WAY away from the other bins in hopes that he will think “Gosh. I must have really upset this person. I will be more thoughtful next time.”

Now I have the most passive-aggressive bins on the street.

The reality is, I will work my way up to about three bags worth of cans, decide that it will be too much hassle to bring them somewhere and just put them in the blue been anyway.

For now though? I am a bin asshole.

Bill Maher Calls Fresno State President An “Idiot” – I Call For President Of Fresno!

Here is Bill referencing Fresno State President Joseph Castro’s comments about the whole Barbara Bush being called an ”Amazing Racist” by FS English Professor, Randa Jarrar, thing:

Did you hear what Bill called Mr. Castro? No, not ”Ya idiot!” He called him ”President Fresno.”

Have I not made it clear enough that I am the President Of Fresno?! Come on, Maher!

I already have set in motion the project to build a wall between Fresno and Clovis. Including later expansion for NE Fresno being walled off (East of Friant Road). And yes, I will make Clovis pay for it!

So there is no confusion, I would like to super announce my candency for President Of Fresno. Just because the title sounds really rad.

You Lie About Not Going Downtown Because Of Having To Pay To Park.

When talking to North Fresno person, a common statement made is, ”I won’t go down there because you have to pay to park!” I call bullshit. You just don’t want to go.

You don’t want to meet that friend. Don’t want to go to that Grizzlies game. Don’t want to have a beer at HOP PK or Tioga. Admit it. Admit it so we can all go on with our Fresno lives.

So, you really would go to Downtown Fresno if all the parking was free? Interesting. Um, yeah, so if Target or Walmart had parking meters or you had to pay to park in their lot, you wouldn’t go there? Bullshit.

If Pismo’s made you pay for parking you would not go there? Bullshit.

If you had to pay to park at Edwards you would stop going to the movies? Bullshit.

If Save Mart made you… Okay, you get the idea. Bullshit. We are all bullshit. Parking is bullshit. Downtown meter complaints are bullshit. Bull. Shit.

It is just what you do when you live in a city. Can you name a city bigger than Fresno that doesn’t have areas of their downtown pay-to-park? I’ll wait.

And hey, parking in Downtown Clovis is free and it sucks ass trying to find a good space. I usually have to park well away from the dumb Clovis business I am being forced to go to.

Suck it up and feed the meter and shutup about it. #endrant

If you would like to change your North Fresnan Afraid Of Downtown Parking ways, might I suggest having a look at Joshua Tehee’s Downtown Fresno Parking Primer?

I Rode My Bike To A Thing In Fresno and Nobody Flipped Me Off

I decided to ride my bike to a Fresno beer thing last week (Happy Anniversary, Pine & Palm Brewing). One, because obviously, it’s better to ride a bike with a couple pops in ya than drive. Second, because I always preach riding your bike in Fresno but don’t do it enough. So I did.

My destination? Pine & Palm Brewing. 2nd Anniversary Party.

My route? Fruit, North to Herndon. Herndon to Palm (via trail pictured above). Palm to Bedford. Bedford to brewery.

I begin on Fruit. The same section that some council asshat stopped a fully funded and approved road-diet on because he sat at a corner for an hour and allegedly didn’t observe any bikers. (Yeah, I’m still bitter)

Are We Getting Better Or Was It A One-Time Thing?

As I was stopped at the light at Fruit & Bullard, I chose to rest on the white line dividing the two lanes because there was a car coming up behind me that wanted to turn right so I wanted to give them space to do that. As the light turned green, I went back into the lane knowing there we no cars behind me so I could safely use the lane. But the car that was turning right decided not to and is now directly behind me.

Normally, Fresno drivers get pissed-off that they are having to wait for a bike, even though said bike as a right to be using the lane. I got over quickly for fear of a bottle being tossed at my head. When the car passed, there was no bottle. No finger. No “Get the fuck off the road!” The car uneventfully went by.

Fresnans just might be getting more mellow with sharing the road.

Let The Drinking Begin!

At Pine & Palm Brewing, having some beers, celebrating two years of the brewery in their new taproom, getting slightly annoyed at the soccer fans that have taken over the Taproom.

I now get word that there is a group of Perfect Pour people over at the newest Fresno drinking spot, just around the corner. I leave the soccer fans to their fun and head over.

A Bar In An Industrial Park!?

Yep. There is a new craft beer and wine bar in Fresno and it’s in an industrial park in Pinedale – well, I refer to it as Pinedale anyway. It’s called Tap & Cellar. Check it:

Great beer list. They have kegs of beer that you can’t find anywhere else in town. Good addition to the scene.

Time To Ride Back.

Before I get too deep into day-drinking, it’s time to bike home. I took a slightly different route back and discovered a small, but effective, path that comes close to the Herndon path:

This little trail runs along Harrison Ave, behind (to the West) of the Palm Bluffs area.

Finishing the ride at home, I was pleased with Fresnans because nobody seemed to get pissed at me – at least they didn’t make it known. There is hope. Maybe Fresno can be a bike-friendly place after all.

Fresyes Fest: Seven Things I’ll Do

Fresyes Fest! Saturday! I’m totally probably going! Gotta go, right? It’s North America’s best, real estate company festival! Gotta be top eight, at least.

The only problem with the event in the past is that it’s too awesome and successful. Fresno loves things to be free and bumping.

Organizers listened to whiny bloggers and doubled the size this year. There will be more room for activities!!

Alright. So, it’s cool, we’re going. But what time?

I base the time I go on two factors:

  1. Avoiding people.
  2. Set times for the bands I want to see.

Getting there at the beginning is the key to avoiding people. And there are two bands I definitely want to see: Sparklejet and Sharks Of Dance.

Unfortunately they play at totally different times. Here are the set times:

Sharks at 1:15 is excellent! Take in the set, have a couple beers, do an Irish Exit around 2:30 and go about the rest of my day in Fresno.

But wait. Sparklejet does not play until 5:30. That is a long time between shows. Too long when there is beer around. I can’t commit a whole fucking day to one place, I’m not 22.

Damn.

Not sure how to go about this. I guess I could leave and come back at 5:30 but that is unlikely. Once I return to my NW Fresno life, motivating to go back Downtown will be tough.

I dunno. Guess I’ll figure it out the day of. In the meantime.

Here are the seven things!

In addition to the Sparklejet set at 5:30 and/or maybe the Sharks Of Dance set, here is some other stuff I plan to do:

  1. Several times, badly joke to someone “Screw this FresYES Fest, I’m starting a FresNO Fest! As in, a NO Clovis people festival!”
  2. Find a corner to hide. I’d prefer one with fellow nerdy blogger/media or beer geek types, but I’m fine by myself too.
  3. Examine a Fresno inspired vendor booth. My go-to is Casual Glitz.
  4. Make eye contact with someone I know and wonder if I should stop and talk. Or do I just politely nod ”Sup” because they probably want to talk to me less than I want to talk to them.
  5. Try to figure out who are all these people. A lot of folks show up and you are like “Wait. Who is THAT guy? That guy lives in Fresno? And he is with THAT girl? She can’t be from here. What the hell is going on!?!”
  6. Eat tacos. I may even stave off tacos on Friday to make it extra special.
  7. Drink beer. The special release beer for this year’s festival that Tioga made is a hazy IPA called ”Pride of the Valley: Workd Champ IPA” in honor of local boxer and Champion, Jose Ramirez. I am definitely going to have that one. Then maybe I’ll have one more. Then stop, if I drove, or keep drinking if I take a Lyft. Be safe, Future Mikey.

So, no matter what time I figure out, I’ll be there. I’m sure you and half of Fresno will be too. Maybe we can buy each other a beer.

After all, it’s double the free. Double the beer stations. Double the places to hide.

*Great info that answers every question you might have about this year’s event can be found here.

Needed: A Modern Times Taproom In Fresno!

There is no point to continue convincing Fieldwork Brewing to open a  taproom in Fresno. They used up their last available state allowed  5th tasting room spot on some boring Nor Cal place. So I have to move on.

But I am not stopping!

I will always lobby for some cool California brewer to open up a remote taproom so that we can add to our craft beer options, thus helping Fresno overflow its glass of radness.

So, let’s find a new one to convince to come here. A new California brewery to annoy until they open up in Fresno. That pick?:

Modern Times Brewing out of San Diego.

Why? They have excellent beer. Super cool marketing. Admirable philosophy towards beer culture and being independent. Plus, they have amazingly cool taprooms.

California allows breweries to have five taprooms. Modern Times has three in California, one in Portland (doesn’t count) and one being built in Escondido. So there is a spot left. I want that spot to be Fresno’s.

It’s like an Arthop night but all the time.

The taprooms are works of art. Not all the same, each reflects the personality of the town they are in. A Fresno one would be so fucking rad. It would be a place to brag about.

Look at the main one in Point Loma, nicknamed “Lomaland Fermentorium”, complete with the (pictured above) Michael Jackson & Bubbles mural made entirely of post-it notes:

Aren’t the existing Fresno taprooms enough?

Full Circle has its charms and good beer. Tioga is getting cooler as they are expanding. HOP PK is new and awesome and going down well with Fresnans. Pine & Palm just moved to a bigger cooler location. Tactical Ops is doing their thing near the airport. Zack’s Brewing and 411 Ales are opening later this year (knock on wood).

So brewing and taproom things are happening. It’s great. But we deserve more. Hell, Visalia has a Barrelhouse remote taproom. Fresno has none. We need one before Bakersfield, Merced and Madera all have one and we don’t.

Someday I want to see this on Modern Time’s Instagram feed:

You see that? They also serve excellent coffee. Fresno appreciates its coffee, we know this.

A remote taproom by Modern Times in Fresno would be epic. We can have things. Dammit, Fresno deserves things. We like-a the beer. It all fits.

I’ll go ahead and start working on a cool Fresno taproom nickname now, MT. Let’s make it happen.

*Picture credit to Sunset.com.