Category: Fresno

Fresno Is An Outdoor Retailer Trade Show City, Just Like Denver and Portland!

The Fresnan 2 Comments

Bears-Ears-Buttes-Tim-Peterson-1920x1080 Fresno Is An Outdoor Retailer Trade Show City, Just Like Denver and Portland!
Bears Ears Buttes by Tim Peterson
There is a grand opportunity for the city of Fresno right now. A chance for Fresno to get a major trade show and to build a reputation for being an “outdoor city”.

Salt Lake City just lost the Outdoor Retailer trade show. This is a trade show for businesses like REI, Patagonia, North Face… hell, basically every retailer that does anything in outdoor retail. It’s sorta the everything in the industry.

What San Diego Comi-Con is for nerddom, this is for outdoor nerds.

The OR show has always been held in Utah. Since the 90s. But they are looking for a new city to move to by 2019 because Utah has been naughty.

Utah’s Governor, and other Republican peeps in Utah, lobbied President Trump to roll back the Bears Ears National Monument, a 1.35-million-acre conservation area in Southern Utah that Native Americans and other people who like Earth, have held sacred for years. Trump listened and rolled it on back.

Fuck off, Earth! Cattle and mines are more important.

So the Outdoor Retailers, people that were warning Utah not to do this, said they are packing up their back…packs and looking for a new city to dump all that trade show money into. The show dumps 32 million into SLC every year.

Denver and Portland (OR) are leading contenders at the moment. I say we make sure Fresno is in that mix too because Fresno is an outdoor city. Maybe we don’t act like it enough, maybe we don’t even know it, but we are.

We totally qualify to have the Outdoor Retailer trade show. Fresno is within a morning drive to all outdoor activities. ALL THE ACTIVITIES! So we got that as a qualification.

But do we have the kind of convention space to handle this?:

Hell, I think so.

Oh but wait, does Fresno have enough hotel rooms (or Air BnBs) to handle this? I don’t know, that is for city officials to figure out – I don’t create and maintain the trails, I just walk through and comment on them.

So I hope there is enough time for Fresno to get consideration. I don’t think anybody is threating to roll back National Park status for Yosemite, Kings Canyon or Sequoia anytime soon. *knock on wood*

Let’s do it! Let’s blaze a trail to Fresno for Outdoor Retailer!
Photo: Bears Ears, Utah | Credit: Tim Peterson

Olive Garden Opening In Fresno Is A Good Thing…There, I Said It.

The Fresnan

img_1980 Olive Garden Opening In Fresno Is A Good Thing...There, I Said It.
I don’t go to Olive Garden. Well, I haven’t for a long time. I went to the Modesto Garden years ago because my Grandma wanted to. And yeah, I have been to the Clovis one. I’m embarrassed to admit I brought a date there once. There was no second date.

I purposely have not Gardened for a long time. Waiting an hour for a table to eat chain “Italian” food in Clovis is not my idea of a good night out – I don’t care how many unlimited bread sticks you throw at me.

http://gph.is/28SeSxX

So why the hell should I care or think it’s a good thing that Olive Garden is about to open up its first Fresno location? [Located at Marketplace Shopping Center, BTW)

Because the Highway City area of NW Fresno does not have a sit-down, waiter comes to your table, restaurant. If the first one has to be an Olive Garden, so be it.

I would rather it be a local restaurant or something we have never seen in Fresno before. But it’s not. It’s an Olive Garden. Highway City will have to accept it. Something tells me they will and there will be an hour wait there too.

Some advice, though. Don’t take a first date there, dude. Impressed she will not be. Unless you can do a dance routine with your bread sticks.

Finally. A Guide To Help Us Be Like The Palm Avenue Bikers

The Fresnan

img_1934 Finally. A Guide To Help Us Be Like The Palm Avenue Bikers
I have a bike (pictured). It can get dusty. But I have one. It’s just a fixie. Which means I was cool 6 years ago. And now? Well, I have a bike only good for beer & Redbox runs. And I can only stop Flintstones style.

I need a new bike. A road bike. I may even want to be like one of those people with the bike outfits, riding down Palm Ave. But it looks like a whole thing, ya know? Like work or something.

Well thanks to IFHT, there is an entertaining step by step guide to show me and you how we can be like a Palm Ave Biker:

I definitely need a Recovery Beer just watching that.

If you’re ready to start adding road bikes and putting “yourself” on display riding Palm Avenue, make sure to hit up local places like Steven’s, Sunnyside, Fresno Schwinn, Rubber Soul, Herb Bauer, Cyle Path, and get riding.

Pot Is Making You Lose Your Damn Focus, Fresno!

The Fresnan 8 Comments

img_1832 Pot Is Making You Lose Your Damn Focus, Fresno!
Our Mayor is thinking he will defy a state law and probably not allow pot dispensaries in Fresno. Screw the millions in revenue. Don’t need it. We got all them millions already. We good.

Even the SO-CALLED liberal newspaper, The Fresno Bee, doesn’t support legal pot.

Welcome to California’s Bible Belt.

To be clear, this rant is coming from a NON pot smoker. [for realz] I don’t inhale.

http://gph.is/1ht5BHw

Mayor Brand sent two Fresnans to Colorado to check out how things were doing there with the legal pot. Turns out, they couldn’t figure out if it was good or bad. 

So police chief, Dyer (one of the people the Mayor sent) just gave a blanket “No, bro” reco to Brand. This was enough for our Mayor to conclude he’s going to say no because that seems safe.

Is Dyer running the city or Brand?

Come on, Fresno. Wake up to the fact we are in California. We need to be progressive.

“Oh golly, I hear a pot dispensary might get broken into every once in a while.” THIS IS YOUR CONCERN!? We’ll be ok, snowflake. Fresno can handle this.

Do you realize children get shot in this city for being in their front yard at the wrong time of day AND YOU’RE FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT A BUSINESS GETTING BROKEN INTO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!? As if other businesses don’t get broken into.

Holy shit, man. It’s called priorities. Get them. Maybe take care of our meth, poverty and gang problem before focusing on shutting down LEGAL pot.

Have you ever heard of a guy in Fresno carjacking somebody or shooting somebody because he was super fucking baked? No, of course you haven’t!

Reporter: What happened here, officer?

Policeman: The male suspect was seen getting super high earlier and then started stabbing everyone and stole a car.

You hear how ridiculous that sounds, right?

Please worry about real stuff, Fresno. Take advantage of being in California and mellow out. 

Stop Doing The “I Don’t Say FresNO, I Say Fresyes” Joke – An Open Letter To Touring Bands

The Fresnan 1 Comment

Hey. Frontman for [insert any band name here], listen up! If you are coming to Fresno for a show and you’re working on your “between song banter” we have some advice for you: Please restrain yourself from changing Fresno’s name to FreYES.

It was never clever. It was not funny the first time we heard it, 30 years ago, and it is not funny today. Come up with better material.

For example. Blake Shelton was at the Save Mart Center last week. He pulled this little gem (you can stop it at 5:40):

Come on, man.

It’s not just the big acts either. I have seen so many small touring bands at Audie’s/Club Fred, or Strummers/Starline or Fulton 55 or you freaking name it, do a version of the joke. It’s lame. It’s eye rolling. We have heard it all. Enough.

The Fresno Bee’s Joshua Tehee and I, discuss it in this month’s Flowing. Here is a clip:

So please. I beg you. Stop doing the “It’s not FresNO it’s FresYes.” … unless:

Alright. If you incorporate “FuckYeah” I can convince myself to be ok with it.

Bee Killing Season Is Here

The Fresnan

img_1606 Bee Killing Season Is Here

Why? Why do bee keepers place their bee hives so damn close to the road, optimizing the chance for the hard working bees to die on my windshield?

Take a drive outside of the city right now, like on a Blossom Trail, and expect the bee death rate to skyrocket.

It seems like the issue is that most of the boxes are placed along side of the road and not in the middle of the orchard; a more logical placement, you’d think. Maybe the answer is never leaving the Fresno city limits in the Spring.

My small amount of Internet research on the reason why a large percentage of hives are placed along side of the road has produced… no reason. I assume it’s laziness combined with hardness of getting to the middle of an almond orchard to place boxes.

There is this though from Scientific American:

In all, more than 31 billion honeybees converge on California’s Central Valley each February to polllinate the almond trees. By the end of the bloom, having gathered plenty of nectar and pollen to feed their colonies, the honeybee population in the orchards may exceed 80 billion.

Wow. 80 billion, eh? So with that many bees doing their thing across the state, maybe keepers are not worried about losing a little bit to windshields. But there are a lot of windshields. I probably killed 100, easy, driving down Avenue 12 the other day (sometimes it’s a good alternative to using Herndon to get out to 99…more on that in another post).

With all those windshields and the bee population being a worrisome thing, you would think more care would bee [first pun] put into bee box placement. But whatevs. I am just a dumb blogger trying to figure out things. Let me know if I can bee [pun 2] of anymore help.

*BEEcause [pun 3] charts are fun, here is a chart from Scientific American showing how bees start things off here in the Central Valley and move on to the rest of the country:

img_1616 Bee Killing Season Is Here