I Promise My PG&E Bill Is Bigger Than Yours

Have you noticed Fresno has been a bit cooler lately? The difference is very subtle, but it’s there. Well, you can thank me for that.

It seems I have teamed up with Pacific Gas & Electric to try and cool down Fresno with just my air conditioner unit. If you don’t believe me, here is my real PG&E bill to prove it:

Hey, the only thing I can figure out from this bill is that I must have kept all my doors and windows open all day with the AC set to 68 so that Fresno can feel just slightly cooler. You. Are. Welcome.

Blogging Is Not A Rich Dude Trade.

How can one pay for such a bill? I’m not exactly sure because it’s way over my budget, but somehow the lights stay on every day and my beer fridge keeps running – thank God.

But what the fuck? Why is it this crazy? It’s $200 more than my previous monthly record. It seems those “power hungry” bastards at PG&E prey on idiots that like to keep things reasonably cool inside the house and hit them with a High Usage Fee.

But I really don’t get crazy with my usage. It’s set at 80 during the day and I drop it to 76ish in the evening so we can get some fucking sleep around here.

Possible reasons for the crazy rate:

• Mid Century Modern house with raised ceilings. There is a lot of space to fill with expensive, high usage, cool air.
• Single pane windows. I like these because they rattle really hard when the Air National Guard jets fly over.
• Beard trimmer constantly charging. Hey, dude, I gotta be ready to sharpen my beard at a moment’s notice! I can not afford to look unkempt when the Mail Lady shows up with my Star Wars subscription box.
• Pool pump constantly battling algae. Keeping a pool blue enough for night swimming pictures is really hard (see pic at top). The struggle is, in fact, real.

Well, What About Solar?

Sure, I have thought about this.

But then you have to go on Facebook and look like a douche and ask all your friends and family “Hey, anybody know a good solar company that is like cool and all?” and then your dad and your friend from a job you no longer work at get into a debate on whether leasing solar is better than buying and then you end up finally calling a guy and inevitably a bunch of dudes are stomping all over your roof trying to install it and totally judging your roof while they do it and maybe one of the dudes falls off your roof and your dog mauls his arm off and that really sucks and then after it’s installed one of your neighbors comes by and tells you how they couldn’t sell their house because they had some sorta fucked up solar lease and you realize it’s the same damn lease you have and you are paying like $300 bucks a month for that shit and you’re just wishing you could go off in the corner of your yard and die behind the bushes like the squirrel you found back there several years ago did.

So, nevermind about solar.

I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing. Maybe let my beard grow out and save a few pennies. No way am I turning off my Beer Fridge though. I need those cold beers to numb the pain of my power bill.