Catching Up On Fresno

Sorry, loyal Fresnan reader! I missed my self-imposed Tuesday night deadline for a new post. I was deep in the Oregon woods with no Internet. It was relaxing and annoying all at once.

So, come with me as I try to find some Fresno that I missed.

Tacos!
The now nationally famous, Taco Truck Throwdown, happened. It can be considered the tent-pole event that proves we are the Taco Capital of the United States. Joey Chestnut ate many, others dropped a lot of salsa on the ground.

High-Speed Rail!
Will Fresno become a bedroom community for the Silicon Valley? We shall see starting in 2025. I foresee a mix of our own organic tech community (see: Bitwise) and San Jose commuters. Personally, I will just use it to see shows at Shoreline. (pic above a rendering of Fresno’s station)

Booze In All The Wrong Places!
With the City Council wasting time being overly concerned about legal pot dispensaries, they conveniently forget about the real problem in Fresno. That problem is too many liquor stores South of Shaw.

The last thing a rough neighborhood needs is a liquor store. Please work on this problem, City Of Fresno, and don’t waste time with scaring people into thinking a few pot dispensaries would EVEN COME REMOTELY CLOSE to being as bad as an ugly liquor store on every corner.

River Park Became The Red Waste!
A fire plane “malfunctioned” and dumped fire retardant all over NE Fresno, including River Park. This bit of news somehow made it past my lack of Internet while on vacation because funny always makes it through.

Alright, I guess this isn’t funny if your business or car got messed up, so I am truly sorry for those folk. But when I heard that a fire plane dumped red junk on River Park, I did laugh.

Gary Bredefeld Embarrassing Fresno Again!
Northeast Fresno truly has the Councilman it deserves. Determined to do and say as many dumb things that he can within a year, Breders believes all City workers with a weapons permit should bring their gun to work with them. WHAT A FUN WORK ENVIRONMENT!

So now the sketchy dude we were already worried about coming into work wanting to shoot the place up one day can constantly walk around the office ready to mow me down at the first sign of stress and it’s perfectly legal!

This idea made national news, if you somehow think Breitbart is actually news. Sadly? for Gary B, Fresno already allows select vetted workers to carry their penis enlargements guns, which is a little uncomfortable to just now learn. Research much, Gary?

That Is Enough For Now.
If I missed something you think I’d find interesting, feel free to leave it in the comments. Thanks for being here!

A Motto That Would Make Just As Much Sense As “In God We Trust” For Fresno City Chamber

So Fresno City Councilman, Gary Bredefeld, apparently has the time to request the City Of Fresno ignore the whole “separation of church and state” thing and vote that the Fresno motto be changed to “In God We Trust.”

Jesus. [smh]

Do we all really need to be thinking about worthless stuff like this? Are things that boring around council chambers? That’s not even an appropriate motto for Fresno.

I can think of some other ones that would make just as much damn sense as “In God We Trust” for Fresno. Let’s see a few.

CITY OF FRESNO:

  • In Grapes & Almonds We Trust.
  • Live and Let Die.
  • Yes. Tri-Tip Is An Actual Cut Of Meat.
  • Tornado Free Since 1976.
  • We Have Water Meters Now.
  • Just Win, Baby.
  • This Area Is Patrolled By Turner Security.
  • Tacos Next 17 Exits.
  • The Force Is Stong In Our Family.
  • Most Of Our White People Moved To Boise.
  • You’re Right Back In The Mess.
  • Make Mine A Double.
  • Snakes. Why Did It Have To Be Snakes?
  • Cher Slept Here.
  • Home Of The Uncle You Barely See.
  • Welcome To Flavor Town.
  • You’d Think This Is Paula Abdul’s Hometown But It’s Not.
  • Traffic Signals Are Just Suggestions.
  • Pat Hill’s Fu-Manchu Controls the Northern Part of the City.
  • Same As It Ever Was.
  • Roth or Hagar? We Say Hagar.
  • I Can See The Mountains Today.
  • We’re As Confused As You Are.
  • Hey Bud, Let’s Party.
  • No Spoilers! We Missed The Walking Dead Last Night.
  • Our Mom Thinks We’re Pretty Cool.
  • We Haven’t Even Eaten Lunch Yet.

Hey we’re having fun here and I don’t mean to bash good God fearing folk. But a statement about God (as cool a dude as he is) is just not needed here in the City Council Chambers.

Your Jesus time and energy would be much better spent feeding hungry people, supporting those less fortunate, backing your fellow church member during personal tough times and helping Fresno in other ways.

So thanks but no thanks.

Check out Gary Bredefeld talking about this subject on Even Onstot’s show over at KSEE 24. I haven’t watched it yet and I doubt God has either.