Fix Your Broke Ass Door, Jeff Bezos

It’s been, like, two weeks, Whole Foods Fresno. Two freaking weeks I had to walk around to your main entrance instead of walking through this now dysfunctional door.

That extra walking? Not planned!

Like, 20 seconds each way. Since I have had to do it twice, that adds up to 80,000 seconds. Stop making me walk. I already couldn’t park in MY SPOT in the parking lot and now I have to do extra walking. Torture.

Maybe you can search on Amazon for “sliding door parts, retail” or something…. oh wait, would you like to change that door to a Barn Door style? They love that shit on the home-flipping shows:

Question: Does Whole Foods have to pay for Amazon Prime to get free shipping or is that a company discount thing?

How about just searching for a local door guy. Let’s look together:

We have a few possibilities but we may need to find a specialist. These seem like glass dudes. Well, I guess we’re both screwed.

I dunno, man, since Amazon bought Whole Foods, been pretty bad. Rinky dink. Next thing you know you’re going to run out of ranch dressing.

The Smalls: Issue 1

Sometimes I have little dumb thoughts that are not worthy of a whole post or even Fresno related. So here is a new segment for the blog: “The Smalls”.

Don’t Go, Summer!

I am going to miss the hell out of Pool Season. The weekends won’t be the same. I do appreciate not having to worry about 90s or triple digits until next year sometime, though. I really think Fresno should have a name for when we are officially done with the heat for the year.

I have been racking my Fresno brain trying to come up with a name for it. A name that represents us getting through the heat. Embracing what makes Fresno unique (including the heat) is always something I’m into. If you think of a name for it, let me know.

TikTok and Space Pants

Can someone stop these TikTok dancing bro guys from appearing on social media ads all over my damn feed!? I get it, they look like guys that have been tailgating an Alabama football game for ten years and yet they can do a dance sequence for 15 seconds. Please tell me TikTok is more interesting than this. On second thought, don’t, I don’t need to know. Dance on, bros.

That rant aside, now my beer and notebook nerdness is contributing to the TikTok . Look what you have done, Dancing Bros!:

Don’t Dash Me, Bro!

I don’t like using Door Dash or any other food delivery service. It freaks me the hell out that some random dude is handling my poke bowl or cheese enchiladas. I’ll just pick it up myself, thanks. Although I do like the marketing of Postmates and I’ve seen some key places (Casa Corona, etc) around Fresno using them. Still creeps me out, I’ll continue to not.

Keep Infilling, Bro!

The new Chevron at Herndon & Brawley is nice. Super wide, so much room for so many activities. Since going back to fig orchards is apparently not an option, I’m happy to see this area finally get some infill, especially with useful things.

AMPM and a Dutch Bros will be up soon. Close by, the Mad Duck NW is still in line-out-the-door mode. I’d love to see a park right next to the new Chevron. That space is not supposed to have buildings anyway since it’s a dump-spot for planes flying into Sierra Sky Park.

I have always wanted to see a restaurant right next to Sierra Sky Park. There is a spot right on Herndon (next to the runway) that used to house small planes. Now it’s just empty space, and a restaurant with parking for planes would be rad there!

Sorta related:

When a Paragraph Is a Subtweet

I rarely find myself in NE Fresno, but recently I was on Millbrook, going North and had to turn left onto Nees. There is no turn signal and the intersection is especially large and weird and kinda dangerous as hell. I think NW Fresno needs to get themselves a Councilman that pays attention to these kinds of things instead of what “Liberals” are doing. Or I’ll just try harder to keep out of NE.

Was This Cool Enough?

This post is kinda where I think the direction my future newsletter will be taking. If you think you’d be into that being in your inbox, you can sign up below:

I had the Jack In The Box Tiny Tacos and they’re perfect

I’m here in Fresno and lucky? enough for me, it is the capital for fast food restaurants to test their experimental items and see if it would work for the rest of the country.

Ya know those Dorito shell Taco Bell tacos? We gave that to you, America.

Right now the big thing being tested in town are the mini versions of Jack in the Box’s classic tacos, called, Tiny Tacos.

I guess it’s sorta embarrassing but I have always loved Jack’s tacos (without lettuce, of course). They always hit the spot for me and I like them over Taco Bell’s hard shell tacos. Call me weird.

To be clear, I don’t like them over actual, real tacos, just over Taco Bell’s.

Jack in the Box’s Tiny Tacos are exactly what you think and exactly want I wanted from them. A strip down version of their taco in bite-sized form. I didn’t even need to ask for no lettuce.

Continue reading “I had the Jack In The Box Tiny Tacos and they’re perfect”

Top Five Hardest Fresno Street Names To Spell

Spelling is hard. Hard for me, anyway. This blog would be a disaster without spellcheck.

Not only are regular words tough, sometimes, so are Fresno street names. Here are five common Fresno streets that I always mess up spelling.

5. Ashlan. I always want to say “Ashland”.

4. Maroa. The o & a combo throws me.

3. Divisadero. It seems like the “a” should be an “i”.

2. Stanislaus. A lot of s to deal with.

1.Tuolumne. Where the hell did you even come from, “n”?!

I’m not the only Fresnan in town that sucks at spelling. Just a few of the replies on Twitter:

Continue reading “Top Five Hardest Fresno Street Names To Spell”

Mad Duck Brewing NW Fresno: Fresnan Review

A quickass review of Mad Duck Craft Brewing Co’s new brewpub in NW Fresno: It’s cool.

There. There’s a quickass review.

Alright, a little more reviewing…

So, there are many areas of Fresno that are underserved, most certainly. Sometimes it feels like Fresno is only River Park, Downtown, Fig Garden Village, Tower, and Fashion Fair. If a place isn’t in one of those areas then it doesn’t exist. Small city ways.

NW Fresno has been begging for a place like Mad Duck, even if it didn’t know it. The new location is at the NE corner of Herndon & Marks (across from Taco Bell, behind the Starbucks and new Ampersand Ice Cream.

They picked a good spot.

It’s small, or at least feels small, in comparison to the Campus Point location. Before I saw it I was bummed that it was small. Small means more waiting for tables, in my eyes. While that may be true, I like the vibe the small gives. It feels more social and neighborhood than Campus Point.

The combination of the North West Fresno crowd and the Mad Duck brewpub atmosphere, if I could pick one band that could describe the vibe it would be Fleetwood Mac.

I can take or leave Fleetwood Mac but that feeling you get when you’re in a good mood, just starting to relax and forget life, you have a couple of beers in ya and the perfect part of a song comes on and you’re like “Yeah, man, this.” That is Mad Duck NW Fresno. Classic rock in new packaging.

The patio is big enough and cool but it’s not shaded properly. I don’t understand, in Fresno, if you have the budget to build a patio but don’t shade it properly, it makes zero sense. There were two people on the patio, huddled against the wall trying to bleed any full shade they could from the building and the only reason they were out there at all was the fact that they had a dog with them. So, hey, I guess they allow dogs on the patio if you were wondering.

Shade your patios properly, Fresno. In case you have not noticed, the sun is a bastard around here.

So the food seems to be the same as the Campus Point location, along with the beer. Since this location also has brewing equipment, I hope that each location will have its own beer. Meaning, one you can only get at THAT location. That would be cool for us beer geeks.

Mad Duck beer selection

If you’re wondering what the best beer they make is, I say it’s the Citra. And The NW Fresno location’s is very solid, so far. The almond brown and the “Dog Daze” are too bad either. Hope the guest taps start getting more interesting.

Overall, solid fun neighborhood place. Fresno needs more neighborhood spots, like ALL Fresno neighborhoods, and hopefully, this proves this part of NW Fresno deserves more. See ya there.

Where To Find Pliny The Elder in Fresno

Is there Russian River beer in Fresno? YES! Where can I find Pliny The Elder in Fresno? I’ll tell ya in a sec. But right now I just gotta yell something: “Fresno is finally a Russian River Brewing town!”

Only Russian River approved businesses and distributors (thank you Delta Pacific Beverage for being worthy) are allowed to carry Russian River beer. The major requirement being that the beer must always be refrigerated and cared for properly.

Here is where to find it in the Fresno area:

  • Goldstein’s – 1279 N. Wishon Ave
  • Maroa Shell – 902 E. Shields Ave
  • Hop PK – 820 Van Ness Ave
  • Spokeasy Public House – 1472 N. Van Ness
  • Gazebo Gardens – 3204 N Van Ness
  • Kunisama – 6825 N. Willow Ave
  • Whole Foods – 650 W. Shaw
  • Tap & Cellar – 317 W. Bedford
  • The Market – 7088 N. West
  • BC’s Pizza & Beer – 1315 Shaw Ave (Clovis)
  • MGA Liquor – 342 N. Clovis (Clovis)
  • Michaelangelo’s Pizzeria – 619 Woodworth Ave (Clovis)

Let me say it again because it’s damn awesome: Russian River Brewing Company beer is now available in Fresno.

We were the last major region in California to get it, but that is okay. It’s here now. The past is past, we are now a Russian River town and it is incredibly awesome.

If you’re wondering, “What the hell is the big damn deal about this “Pliny” guy and why is Russian River beer such a thing?” that is okay. You’re not a beer geek. Cool.

Santa Rosa’s Russian River Brewing is probably the greatest Beer Geek brewery of all time. Their IPA, Pliny The Elder, ushered in a whole style of beer called “West Coast IPA”. I consider the beer the Godfather of the modern IPA.

For a while there (if it isn’t still) Pliny was the number one most traded beer in the beer geek world. If a beer is heavily traded (shipped illegally to regions where a person can’t get the beer), that means it’s highly sought after – aka damn good.

Not only do we get the core Russian River beers now, we even get cool colab beers like the one Russian River and Karl Strauss did recently:

So rejoice, beer lovers, Fresno is now cool. Still waiting on somebody to open up that remote taproom though.