Do Not Camp At Busy Fresno Restaurants

The other morning I went to cozy Fresno breakfast spot, Benaddiction. Really great food, good service. The most interesting breakfast menu in Fresno for sure and arguably the best breakfast. You will order too much food, I’m telling you right now.

The problem with Benaddiction is: too damn small.

It’s tiny. Mini pancake tiny. Like, if you opened up a restaurant in your first apartment and there is no bedroom, tiny.

This is not what the post is about.

I’m not here to complain about Benaddiction. They are taking steps to find a bigger space and they are working well with what they have. I’m here to tell “campers” to go the hell home when they are done eating.

Campers are the people that hangout at their table and chitchat even though they are done eating and paying.

I suppose this is fine when the place is not busy and nobody is waiting for a table. But Benaddiction is ALWAYS busy and there is usually a 20 to 40 minute wait for a table.

I Witnessed Camping Myself

When last I was there, we waited 30 minutes for a table. When we sat down there was a table of two women finishing their meal.

By the time we were done with our breakfast and leaving, those same two women were still there talking. Dicks.

Look up and read the room, people. You can talk about what you bought at Target yesterday when you are in the parking lot.

That said, Pro Tip: You can do call-ahead seating at Benadictions using your Yelp app via their Yelp page.

Just don’t abuse your table time, k!?

The 7 Worst Traffic Problems In Fresno

Like you and most Fresnans, I do a lot of driving. I even do it for work so I get around Fresno a lot. I see things. Things I can’t unsee. But that is not what this is about.

This is about Fresno traffic. We are not even close to the kind of stuff the Bay, Southern California or Sacramento sees, but we most certainly have problem areas.

These are the ones that stand out to me while puttering around town.

BULLARD & 41. This is especially true heading West on Bullard but it sucks overall. If you have no interest getting onto 41, it’s best to use Barstow or Sierra instead.

SHAW & 99. Mostly it’s the traffic heading East as it gets backed up to Polk. It’s a one-lane bridge, for freak sake even though it’s a major entry point into Fresno. And don’t get me started on how Caltrans has never landscaped this portion of 99 and the highway has been around 60 years or something. Although they did just do some half-assed planting of trees around the Southbound offramp, so that’s something I guess.

THE MCKINLEY CURVE. Maybe Fresno’s most famous traffic area. Heading North, 41 dangerously curves just as 180 dumps cars onto it. It’s never not sketchy.

BLACKSTONE & NEES. Ya got River Park. People getting onto 41. People getting off 41. Occasional protesting. Begging. In & Out. It has all the things!

FRIANT, FRESNO STREET & 41, FRIANT EXIT OFF 41. This is going to get worse. And worse. And worse. More retail building. More building around Copper River. One day there will be, like, a seven-story office building right there. Not fun.

180 WEST AT 99 NORTH EXCHANGE. From about 3 PM to 6PM, if you are on 180 and you want to get to 99 North, ya need to be gettin’ over to the right lane once 41 South has completed dumping its traffic onto 180 and yes now I am thinking of The Californians sketch from Saturday Night Live.

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HERNDON & GOLDEN STATE. This actually flows pretty well when there is no train. But when there is, look out man, it backs up super fast.

HONORABLE MENTION
  • Shaw, Barstow, Chestnut and 168 anytime there is something happening at Save Mart Center.
  • Exiting 41 North onto Shaw.
  • Shaw & Golden State Blvd when there is a train.

Please feel free to leave your picks for worst traffic areas in Fresno, in the comments.

Alright, that is settled, time to watch some Californians.

This Is A Garbage Post

Enough! Last straw, Creepy Truck Guy that picks through my recycling at night. You wanna take stuff out, that’s fine. Just don’t start mixing, dammit!

One trash-day morning before leaving for work, I noticed some of my recycling on the ground instead of in the bin. I stop to pick it up and then notice a whole grip of recycling material had been “transferred” over into my grey garbage bin.

Obviously, scavengers had been on the street last night and made their search through the blue bin easier by tossing recycling into the grey bin, then leaving it there.

This Is Not A Rant About Scavengers.

Normally I don’t have a problem with people picking recycling out of my bin. If you want to work that hard to nab (what I assume is) fifty cents worth of cans and plastic bottles that I’m too lazy to bring to the recycling center, have at it.

But when you start compromising the green or grey bins with items that were intended for the recycling bin? Fuck you.

Really I am just pissed because you just made more work for me. I am going to pick through my own trash and save my cans now. Yep, no soup for you, buddy.

I go through a lot of cans too. The shift to packaging more craft beer in cans is definitely reflected in my blue bin. Big revenue hit there, pal.

(Is it big revenue? I have no idea.)

Will Creepy Truck Guy get this message?

Doubt it. I even started spacing my blue bin WAY away from the other bins in hopes that he will think “Gosh. I must have really upset this person. I will be more thoughtful next time.”

Now I have the most passive-aggressive bins on the street.

The reality is, I will work my way up to about three bags worth of cans, decide that it will be too much hassle to bring them somewhere and just put them in the blue been anyway.

For now though? I am a bin asshole.

Bill Maher Calls Fresno State President An “Idiot” – I Call For President Of Fresno!

Here is Bill referencing Fresno State President Joseph Castro’s comments about the whole Barbara Bush being called an ”Amazing Racist” by FS English Professor, Randa Jarrar, thing:

Did you hear what Bill called Mr. Castro? No, not ”Ya idiot!” He called him ”President Fresno.”

Have I not made it clear enough that I am the President Of Fresno?! Come on, Maher!

I already have set in motion the project to build a wall between Fresno and Clovis. Including later expansion for NE Fresno being walled off (East of Friant Road). And yes, I will make Clovis pay for it!

So there is no confusion, I would like to super announce my candency for President Of Fresno. Just because the title sounds really rad.

You Lie About Not Going Downtown Because Of Having To Pay To Park.

When talking to North Fresno person, a common statement made is, ”I won’t go down there because you have to pay to park!” I call bullshit. You just don’t want to go.

You don’t want to meet that friend. Don’t want to go to that Grizzlies game. Don’t want to have a beer at HOP PK or Tioga. Admit it. Admit it so we can all go on with our Fresno lives.

So, you really would go to Downtown Fresno if all the parking was free? Interesting. Um, yeah, so if Target or Walmart had parking meters or you had to pay to park in their lot, you wouldn’t go there? Bullshit.

If Pismo’s made you pay for parking you would not go there? Bullshit.

If you had to pay to park at Edwards you would stop going to the movies? Bullshit.

If Save Mart made you… Okay, you get the idea. Bullshit. We are all bullshit. Parking is bullshit. Downtown meter complaints are bullshit. Bull. Shit.

It is just what you do when you live in a city. Can you name a city bigger than Fresno that doesn’t have areas of their downtown pay-to-park? I’ll wait.

And hey, parking in Downtown Clovis is free and it sucks ass trying to find a good space. I usually have to park well away from the dumb Clovis business I am being forced to go to.

Suck it up and feed the meter and shutup about it. #endrant

If you would like to change your North Fresnan Afraid Of Downtown Parking ways, might I suggest having a look at Joshua Tehee’s Downtown Fresno Parking Primer?

I Rode My Bike To A Thing In Fresno and Nobody Flipped Me Off

I decided to ride my bike to a Fresno beer thing last week (Happy Anniversary, Pine & Palm Brewing). One, because obviously, it’s better to ride a bike with a couple pops in ya than drive. Second, because I always preach riding your bike in Fresno but don’t do it enough. So I did.

My destination? Pine & Palm Brewing. 2nd Anniversary Party.

My route? Fruit, North to Herndon. Herndon to Palm (via trail pictured above). Palm to Bedford. Bedford to brewery.

I begin on Fruit. The same section that some council asshat stopped a fully funded and approved road-diet on because he sat at a corner for an hour and allegedly didn’t observe any bikers. (Yeah, I’m still bitter)

Are We Getting Better Or Was It A One-Time Thing?

As I was stopped at the light at Fruit & Bullard, I chose to rest on the white line dividing the two lanes because there was a car coming up behind me that wanted to turn right so I wanted to give them space to do that. As the light turned green, I went back into the lane knowing there we no cars behind me so I could safely use the lane. But the car that was turning right decided not to and is now directly behind me.

Normally, Fresno drivers get pissed-off that they are having to wait for a bike, even though said bike as a right to be using the lane. I got over quickly for fear of a bottle being tossed at my head. When the car passed, there was no bottle. No finger. No “Get the fuck off the road!” The car uneventfully went by.

Fresnans just might be getting more mellow with sharing the road.

Let The Drinking Begin!

At Pine & Palm Brewing, having some beers, celebrating two years of the brewery in their new taproom, getting slightly annoyed at the soccer fans that have taken over the Taproom.

I now get word that there is a group of Perfect Pour people over at the newest Fresno drinking spot, just around the corner. I leave the soccer fans to their fun and head over.

A Bar In An Industrial Park!?

Yep. There is a new craft beer and wine bar in Fresno and it’s in an industrial park in Pinedale – well, I refer to it as Pinedale anyway. It’s called Tap & Cellar. Check it:

Great beer list. They have kegs of beer that you can’t find anywhere else in town. Good addition to the scene.

Time To Ride Back.

Before I get too deep into day-drinking, it’s time to bike home. I took a slightly different route back and discovered a small, but effective, path that comes close to the Herndon path:

This little trail runs along Harrison Ave, behind (to the West) of the Palm Bluffs area.

Finishing the ride at home, I was pleased with Fresnans because nobody seemed to get pissed at me – at least they didn’t make it known. There is hope. Maybe Fresno can be a bike-friendly place after all.