People can shit on this and I get it, you shouldn’t brag about things not technically in your city, but hey man: it’s pretty fucking cool we can get to everything rad in California by lunch time.
Tahoe
Yosemite
San Diego
Your Mom’s
Monterey
Las Vegas (ok it’s Nevada, but still)
San Francisco
Disneyland
Shasta (a late lunch)
Russian River Brewery
ALL BY LUNCH!!
Zachary’s Deep Dish Pic by @restaurantgroupie on Instagram
I can go have a pizza at Zachary’s in Berkeley right now, FUCKING WATCH ME.
Then go have some beers at Faction and look at this view:
Then have some sucker drive my buzzed-ass back home for tacos in downtown Fresno, LIKE. A. KING!
Can Austin say that? Fucking Kansas City? Chicago? Atlanta? Boston? Pittsburgh? Either of the Portlands?
NO! They cant say these things! Cities don’t talk.
But if they could? Well, they would say “I wish I was where Fresno is.”
Flavorless beasts. Lettuce and/or cabbage add nothing but sadness to tacos. So why the hell are they automatic for every damn, otherwise delicious, taco?
Before we get too far down this hole, I do want to make it clear that I prefer cabbage on a taco over lettuce. It simply holds up better. Still sucks, just holds up better. Anyway, proceeding…
I get that there would be a certain amount of people that like cabbage or lettuce on their tacos. Feels like that is a small group. That group should have the option of ADDING cabbage or lettuce.
Cabbalettuce should not automatically be on the taco. It sucks rotten lemons. Yeah, I have now put cabbage and lettuce together as one word because I am tired of saying “and/or”. Anyway, proceeding…
You get a taco for the base protein; asada, chicken, fish, or whatever. Add the salsa and lemon or lime. Done. EVERYTHING else should be options.
If I knew how to cook things, had some guts, started my own taco truck, this is how I would roll:
CILANTRO: No! But leave it there as an option.
ONIONS: Again, NO! But leave it as an option.
LETTUCE: No, bro. Say no to lettuce. Won’t even have it there as an option.
CABBAGE: Option.
GREEN PEPPER: On the side.
Has anyone ever EVER said “Oh man, that’s some damn good lettuce!” “Ohhhh those tacos have the BEST cabbage!”? No, of course they fucking haven’t!
They haven’t because, at the very least, a person is indifferent to cabbalettuce, but NOBODY ACTUALLY WANTS IT! No person has ever said “They don’t put enough cabbage on their tacos.” NOBODY!
Sure, you can say that cabbalettuce adds a little crispness or something. That’s cool for you. But hey, I bet you wouldn’t miss it.
I know what you’re thinking; Yes, I can and do ask to leave off the cabbage or lettuce or onion, please. But that is annoying. I need my life simpler, okay!?
Oh, and if you want to have cilantro, so be it. I don’t agree and don’t want it, it sucks like cabbalettuce. But I get that it does add a flavor component. Should be offered, not forced. Why ya gotta force your cabbalettuce agenda on me, bro?
I’m fond of the truck that shows up to Zack’s Brewing often, I believe it’s El Tapatio. They have the best setup because they give you the base taco you ordered and they have a condiment style bar that let you add the things, like cabbage or onions, yourself.
Let the world decide about Cabbalettuce
This year’s famous Taco Truck Throwdown is happening soon in Fresno. Hopefully, the one with the most cabbaletucce will lose.
I have really good Fresno intentions. You know, do all the cool Fresno things all the time. In actuality that does not happen very often. Like everyone, I’m busy. But when I’m not busy, I’m lazy and I like to hermit.
Sometimes I need to push myself to Fresno more and these are seven random things that are nagging me at the moment:
Planting more food. I have a peach tree, a grapefruit tree I rarely use, a fig tree, a pepper bush, but I need more. If there is space in the yard it needs to be filled with plants that grow food. Fresno is the damn food capital for a reason, muthafuckaaa.
Returning to Forestiere Underground Gardens. It’s kinda been a long time. Long time (*whispers* Star Wars reference). Every time I drive by and see people there I feel bad and say “I gotta go!” (pic at top).
Turning off my damn phone and maybe enjoying a night on the patio with my thoughts or talking to another human. That is what Fresno nights are all about. This talking to humans thing can be rather difficult though.
Taking cold showers. Nooooo, not for the reason you’re thinking. Because this is maybe the best way you to start a hot day in Fresno. I really think that when I end my showers with a minute of cold water, it helps my core temp stay lower during the day. Might be bullshit but I really do believe it.
Going to Taco Bell less. Fresno is the taco capital. Yet, I will still get them damn crunchy corporate tacos more times than real deal. They are just too damn easy to get.
Hiking more. We need to be an outdoor city and I need to do more of this hiking junk. The San Joaquin River Gorge looks like a good place to start.
Attending more local music shows. Ever since Audie’s Olympic closed, I have a hard time dragging my ass to a show. Although I did see Farooq at Tioga Sequoia recently and that was rad.
You have a list of Fresno things you need to do more of or even start doing for the first time. Leave it in the comments and I’ll see you on the trails. Just don’t forget the cold shower before you go.
Wanna bet Colorado Springs doesn’t know how to do a Taco Throwdown? Yeah, these are the kind of things that make Fresno cool. Fresno knows how to do tacos. It’s Taco Truck Throwdown #2, happening again at The Chuk. The Beehive has all the details cabbage on the event.
Basically, you go to a Grizzlies game and a taco truck fight breaks out. It was wildly successful last year so getting there at 5:30 might not be a bad plan – plus you get to see batting practice…if you’re into that sorta thing.
