Fresno Sucks At Parks

UPDATE! Before you get into the meat of this post, know that the Mayor has since pulled his initiative and we now fully support the Fresno Clean and Safe Neighborhood Parks Initiative.

Here is the original post:

Alright, let me sort this out.

There is an item called Fresno Clean and Safe Neighborhood Parks Initiative that is gathering Fresno voter signatures so that it can be put on the November ballot. It is being helped along by Fresno for Parks.

If voters pass it, it would be a local funding source for our parks through a 3/8-cent sales tax in the City of Fresno. It would raise 38 million a year for Fresno park stuff.

This is cool because Fresno is shit when it comes to greenspace. In fact, we rank 94th out of 100 cities and at one time have been ranked THE WORST CITY IN THE DAMN COUNTRY FOR PARKS!

This city needs help

So great. A little bit of sales tax provides a better city to live in. Trees rule. We pay a little bit more for a night out at Pismo’s and one day we’ll have some more parks to go to and the existing parks will be cleaner and safer.

Easy peasy. See you on the coming bike trails along the canal banks.

Wait. Enter, Mayor Lee Brand.

Mr. Brand has announced a SEPARATE major tax initiative. One that would fund more police and fireman, PLUS park facilities and programs.

Please read Fresno Bee writer, Brianna Calix’s, article about it and the details.

The mayor’s initiative needs five of the seven Fresno council members to vote yes to get the measure on the ballot. It appears nobody on the council is supporting it.

You’d expect the conservatives and tea-bagger loons to vote no to anything taxes. But it is surprising the conservatives are voting “no” to helping police and fire. And the city of Fresno definitely needs help there.

Fresno’s Fire Department is working with the same amount of staff as it did in 1985. In case you have not looked around, there is a grip more people here than in 1985 and that is scary when you think about it.

What is going on here?

Even democratic members of the council are saying they will vote no for this. You would think it is because they are supporting the Fresno Clean and Safe Neighborhoods thing, but it’s not. At least they have not said that. It seems they just don’t want new taxes. They think they can find funding somewhere else.

Where the hell is “somewhere else”? You really think there is some department in the city of Fresno that is over budgeted and that will give you some money for parks? Jesus. Even Fresno’s “liberals” are Republicans.

So I don’t know what to do here. In a perfect world, I would vote for a parks initiative AND an initiative to fund more fireman and police programs that help neighborhoods.

The reality is if both measures are on the ballot in November, they will likely cancel each other out.

The Fresno For Parks people are willing to work with the Mayor so that we don’t have competing measures in November. Let’s hope he does or the Parks measure passes on its own.

Either way, we have to pass one of these. Fresno has waited to damn long for park support and letting another year pass with nothing will dig a deeper hole for Fresno to climb out of.


Updated: Fresno Summer Checklist


This year’s Summer has started out pretty mild, you have to admit. But there are a few months of heat and whatnot inevitably ahead.

So here are things to look out for or remember to do, so that you can enjoy Fresno’s Summer:

  • Water.
  • Beer.
  • Mountain hikes.
  • Patios at night.
  • Beach days.
  • Standing in front of open freezer doors.
  • Paletas.
  • Seeing a Rodger Rocka’s show.
  • Beer.
  • Spray containing deet.
  • Shaded breezeways.
  • Pool.
  • Slip N Slide.
  • Grizzlies game.
  • Sunblock.
  • More water.
  • Snow cone related food trucks.
  • Afternoon movies.
  • Barbecue.
  • Things in and around lakes.
  • Cold showers.
  • Beer Gardens (Gazebo, Tioga, etc).
  • Fashion Fair (inside).
  • Industrial grade fans.
  • Sprinklers.
  • Beer.

More water is no joke, ya gots to stay hydrated with all that beer drinking.

And here is something to think about as you go: Has complaining about the heat ever made it cooler?…

The Condiment Of Fresno: Salsa or Ranch?

I was going to write a post simply about ranch dressing. Fresno loves it. I get that most of the country does, but Fresno seems to love it more.

We also love salsa too. But salsa is limited. You are probably not going to get salsa with your meal unless you’re eating Mexican food.

Ranch goes with pizza, salad, fries, sandwiches, with another ranch, the list goes on. But is it loved over salsa?


We all got pissed when Me & Ed’s starting charging for ranch. At this point though, I gotta say, I support paying for ranch. As long as a place gladly forks over the ranch and it’s in a decent sized container, I will happily pay.

Not every place hands over the ranch easy. They act like you’re trying to get one over on them. I can see in their eyes what they’re thinking “What’s this guy trying to pull, with these two ranches? Is he trying to make a meal out of it?”

I’m not trying to pull anything, dude! Stop acting like this is the first time anyone has ordered ranch!

If you are a business in Fresno, you should always have ranch at the ready and be happy to part with a reasonable amount.

Hell, even places that don’t serve food should at least keep a bottle around or be ready to whip up a fresh batch, you know, just in case.


So, easy choice; ranch is the Condiment of Fresno.

Hold on, chief. Salsa is pretty damn big here, too. We love them damn tacos. Tacos tacos tacos.

Chips & salsa. All day. I cannot ever remember a session when I thought ”Ok, that is enough chips & salsa for me.” I am always having to use restraint when stopping.

Salsa on every bite of my breakfast burrito. Every bite.

So, Which is it? Salsa or Ranch?

Maybe we can think outside the box here. Start putting ranch on things we put salsa on and salsa on pizza things.

Ranch on tacos? Ok, we can try that. But…

Taco Bell did it? Nevermind.

So now what do we do? I’m torn.

Fuck it, it’s ranch. Ranch is the Official Condiment Of Fresno… NO, no, no wait, it’s not. It’s salsa. We are the taco capital of the world, salsa is it.

I expect it to be given a day by the City Of Fresno soon. Fight me in the comments.

*If you’d like to hear me debate this, listen for it late in this month’s episode of Flowing With Famous: