Stop Doing The “I Don’t Say FresNO, I Say Fresyes” Joke – An Open Letter To Touring Bands

Hey. Frontman for [insert any band name here], listen up! If you are coming to Fresno for a show and you’re working on your “between song banter” we have some advice for you: Please restrain yourself from changing Fresno’s name to FreYES.

It was never clever. It was not funny the first time we heard it, 30 years ago, and it is not funny today. Come up with better material.

For example. Blake Shelton was at the Save Mart Center last week. He pulled this little gem (you can stop it at 5:40):

Come on, man.

It’s not just the big acts either. I have seen so many small touring bands at Audie’s/Club Fred, or Strummers/Starline or Fulton 55 or you freaking name it, do a version of the joke. It’s lame. It’s eye rolling. We have heard it all. Enough.

The Fresno Bee’s Joshua Tehee and I, discuss it in this month’s Flowing. Here is a clip:

So please. I beg you. Stop doing the “It’s not FresNO it’s FresYes.” … unless:

Alright. If you incorporate¬†“FuckYeah” I can convince myself to be ok with it.

Bee Killing Season Is Here

Why? Why do bee keepers place their bee hives so damn close to the road, optimizing the chance for the hard working bees to die on my windshield?

Take a drive outside of the city right now, like on a Blossom Trail, and expect the bee death rate to skyrocket.

It seems like the issue is that most of the boxes are placed along side of the road and not in the middle of the orchard; a more logical placement, you’d think. Maybe the answer is never leaving the Fresno city limits in the Spring.

My small amount of Internet research on the reason why a large percentage of hives are placed along side of the road has produced… no reason. I assume it’s laziness combined with hardness of getting to the middle of an almond orchard to place boxes.

There is this though from Scientific American:

In all, more than 31 billion honeybees converge on California’s Central Valley each February to polllinate the almond trees. By the end of the bloom, having gathered plenty of nectar and pollen to feed their colonies, the honeybee population in the orchards may exceed 80 billion.

Wow. 80 billion, eh? So with that many bees doing their thing across the state, maybe keepers are not worried about losing a little bit to windshields. But there are a lot of windshields. I probably killed 100, easy, driving down Avenue 12 the other day (sometimes it’s a good alternative to using Herndon to get out to 99…more on that in another post).

With all those windshields and the bee population being a worrisome thing, you would think more care would bee [first pun] put into bee box placement. But whatevs. I am just a dumb blogger trying to figure out things. Let me know if I can bee [pun 2] of anymore help.

*BEEcause [pun 3] charts are fun, here is a chart from Scientific American showing how bees start things off here in the Central Valley and move on to the rest of the country:

Places In Fresno That Need Better Beer!

One of the problems with being a beer geek (me) is, you get spoiled with good beer. So spoiled that it becomes almost impossible to drink mainstream beer.

Plus it gets very tiring looking down your nose at people drinking pisswater. [insert laughing emoji here]

A beer geek tends to push eating-out choices to places that serve good beer. But you can’t do that every time. Compromises must be made. Food wins out over good beer. On occasion.

So here are some Fresno spots I often wish had better beer.

Edo-Ya.¬†It’s hard not to make this all about Japanese and Mexican restaurants because they are kind of the worst when it comes to beer choices. ¬†Unless you are at Kuni Sama. That is actually a legit beer geek place AND it’s in the Taint District!

Casa Corona – Bullard & West.¬†I kinda love the bar there (even though it skews old). It has not changed since I was a kid (not that I drank there when I was a kid, just saying). And it didn’t even change when it switched from El Torro. But DAMMIT their beer selection sucks a King Burrito.

Sequoia’s – Tower District. KIDDING! Totally kidding. It’s fine, it’s fine, the beer is fine. It’s fine. Totally fine.

Maroo. Same problem Edo-Ya has. But they do have Hite beer, which is fun to say and order. “Hite! I’ll have a HITE!”

Heroes Comics and Mossette’s¬†Baseball Cards. ¬†All my nerd things in one place. I know they don’t have a liquor license, just wishful thinking. To be able to hang out in these places with a bar and a good beer? Dream fulfillment.

Doghouse Grill. Any chance I have to rip that place, I take it. I have not been there in some time, but I’m guessing their crappyass selection has not changed.

Home Depot. Okay, again I am including a place that doesn’t serve alcohol but I really hate going to this place. Having a beer while I’m trying to find the proper dishwasher hose clamp, would really lessen the hate. Plus, when I have to come back for the inevitable 2nd or 3rd time (because I did not get the right size of clamp the first time), I’ll enjoy that 2nd beer even more.

Please leave your choice in the comments because I would love to hear them.

Speaking of beer, there has been a lot of local beer talk lately by the Fresno Bee. You may want to check out their dedicated beer section. We even had them on The Perfect Pour, a couple weeks back, to talk about it.

Let your ears have a listen. Cheers!:

 

11 Things I’m Thinking While Waiting For My Chipotle Burrito To Be Made

chipotle line

Living in Fresno, it always feels so wrong to go to a chain place to get anything Mexican food related. We make viral burritos and we are the Taco Capital of North America, after all.

That said. Chipotle is quick, tasty and consistent. So even us Fresnans get tempted to go in. My dumbass included.

Here are some things that pop into my head while watching my burrito get built Рusually at the Fig Garden location:

  • Oh, this guy again [burrito maker]. He’s cool, makes a good burrito. I wonder if he secretly hates me.
  • Are they ever going to change this industrial airport hanger look? I still like it okay, just wondering.
  • It only takes 5 seconds for the burrito maker to forget what meat I want in the burrito. Steak. I said steak.
  • The cooks seem to have the better gig, meesa thinks. No dealing with us asshole customers asking “Can I have that on the side of… the side and extra of the other thing? Also, no chicken on my chicken burrito, please!”
  • Is the burrito maker starter person the Top Dog in the restaurant? Like, the job to ascend to? Who is the manager here, because I can’t tell.
  • I think the guy behind me is trying to intimidate me to order faster by getting in my personal space. Chill out, bro, you’ll get your double white rice when your time comes.
  • Ha! Corn salsa. Why do people have the corn salsa? WHY!? Such a waist. You totally could of¬†had the good salsa: Pico de gallo. Fun to say, “Picooo¬†de Gallllloooo”.
  • I still don’t know if I have to pay for the guacamole on the side or is it included since I got a burrito but did not have it actually put into said burrito. Whatever, I’ll pay extra. I pay for extra paper bags all the time, like a boss!
  • Does anyone actually get a beer here? I’m a heavy beer drinker and I never have. I need to change that. #goals
  • How do they distribute the tip jar money? Do the cooks get any? Does it go to some sorta fund for an employee pizza party?
  • The new chorizo meat does not look right.

I would feel a lot better about myself if I exclusively burrito-ed local. But I think the occasional Chipotle visit is here to stay. At least they have a very solid Social Media Manager on Twitter to make me feel a little better:

*photo source.

At Least One Reason To Start Heading To NE Fresno, Right Now!


Let’s face it. There is not much substance to NE Fresno.

It’s just houses. Churches. Schools that should be in Fresno Unified but are somehow in Clovis Unified. And strip malls – sortaish nice strip malls, but still strip malls.

But there is one cool thing the NE has that all Fresnans can enjoy: Trails.


Trails that are fed by Woodward Park, in fact. River trails. Park trails. Trails along avenues. NE is totally bogarting Fresno’s trails!

I strolled down one, last weekend, and I advise you to get down there right now because it’s pretty and Portland-y and green. It’s all green.

Yo, did you know there is a legit river running along the city limits? Yeah? Well, there is. And things are flowing:


Go check it out. Or just stay in your house and talk about how Fresno sucks.

Alright. I admit it. The NE has one more thing, outside of trails: Fresno’s most elegant bottle shop: The Fort:

Ohhh shit, an Oscar Blues “Pinner IPA” sixer for $4.99. Gotta go find a beer trail.

I Found Stuff On Fresno Facebook For You: Downtown Fresno Edition

As we all watch the construction, there has been lots of debating that Fulton Street Mall is not going to be large enough for two cars to travel down it, once they’re done asphalting.

DEBATE OVER! … sorta.

Photo by Aaron Blair

As you can see, the asphalt will be where your car goes. Cement is where your car will pay a meter to park. And yes, there is technically enough room. But barely.

Like, if you look at hot fireman (or woman) walking alongside your car and don’t pay attention to the road for a second BLAMMO!: Fulton Street Fender Bender. BTW, Fulton Street Fender Bender is a really hot local pop-punk band, look for them in 2017.

While we wonder around Fulton, here is a cool new cafe to check out.

This Happens With Great FREQUENCY #dadhumor

K-Jewel like, came back, or moved to 105.5 or something and that “Rewind” station got canceled or moved or, I dunno. Podcasting is the new radio so I can’t keep up with these dealings in frequency. I did see that the station owners¬†got a new “One Put” sign. #branding

Photo by Daniel Draper

Since we’re downtown picturing,¬†John Rupe posted a¬†nice shot of Downtown just before dawn:

Grizzly Fest tickets are now a thing you can buy. The whole lineup is not announced yet and it already feels like it’s going to be the biggest Central California music festival of the year. Go Chuk!

Something Not To Forget

And finally, here [arthouse benefit] is something that looks cool and good that I will totally forget about once the day comes and say “Oh shit, that was tonight wasn’t it?! Oh well.”

There is a GoFundme page happening NOW that you can take part in. Read up on the thing that happened and maybe donate while you check out this video: