I Promise My PG&E Bill Is Bigger Than Yours

Have you noticed Fresno has been a bit cooler lately? The difference is very subtle, but it’s there. Well, you can thank me for that.

It seems I have teamed up with Pacific Gas & Electric to try and cool down Fresno with just my air conditioner unit. If you don’t believe me, here is my real PG&E bill to prove it:

Hey, the only thing I can figure out from this bill is that I must have kept all my doors and windows open all day with the AC set to 68 so that Fresno can feel just slightly cooler. You. Are. Welcome.

Blogging Is Not A Rich Dude Trade.

How can one pay for such a bill? I’m not exactly sure because it’s way over my budget, but somehow the lights stay on every day and my beer fridge keeps running – thank God.

But what the fuck? Why is it this crazy? It’s $200 more than my previous monthly record. It seems those “power hungry” bastards at PG&E prey on idiots that like to keep things reasonably cool inside the house and hit them with a High Usage Fee.

But I really don’t get crazy with my usage. It’s set at 80 during the day and I drop it to 76ish in the evening so we can get some fucking sleep around here.

Possible reasons for the crazy rate:

  • Mid Century Modern house with raised ceilings. There is a lot of space to fill with expensive, high usage, cool air.
  • Single pane windows. I like these because they rattle really hard when the Air National Guard jets fly over.
  • Beard trimmer constantly charging. Hey, dude, I gotta be ready to sharpen my beard at a moment’s notice! I can not afford to look unkempt when the Mail Lady shows up with my Star Wars subscription box.
  • Pool pump constantly battling algae. Keeping a pool blue enough for night swimming pictures is really hard (see pic at top). The struggle is, in fact, real.

Well, What About Solar?

Sure, I have thought about this.

But then you have to go on Facebook and look like a douche and ask all your friends and family “Hey, anybody know a good solar company that is like cool and all?” and then your dad and your friend from a job you no longer work at get into a debate on whether leasing solar is better than buying and then you end up finally calling a guy and inevitably a bunch of dudes are stomping all over your roof trying to install it and totally judging your roof while they do it and maybe one of the dudes falls off your roof and your dog mauls his arm off and that really sucks and then after it’s installed one of your neighbors comes by and tells you how they couldn’t sell their house because they had some sorta fucked up solar lease and you realize it’s the same damn lease you have and you are paying like $300 bucks a month for that shit and you’re just wishing you could go off in the corner of your yard and die behind the bushes like the squirrel you found back there several years ago did.

So, nevermind about solar.

I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing. Maybe let my beard grow out and save a few pennies. No way am I turning off my Beer Fridge though. I need those cold beers to numb the pain of my power bill.

Would Mild Summers Really Make Fresno A Popular West Coast City?


Sunday had some pretty amazing weather, for a June day in Fresno. It was perfect… well until the windstorm later that evening. But BEFORE that, perfect.

This brought a much overdue thought into my head: Would the removal of consistent hot Summers make Fresno a truly desirable city? Is it the one thing that is holding us back?

Fresno heat-haters would say “Duh, dude!” But is it that simple?

Yes, bro, I know that Fresno has more problems than hot Summers. We got the gangs (although I’m pretty sure Oakland, SF, San Jose, Sactown, L.A. and San Diego all have those), a lot of stucco and a shitty looking Highway 99 corridor.

But I really don’t think people are truly looking down at Fresno for that.

Plus, Fresno has all the things you could want in your standard city: A diverse and creative culture, a rising Downtown, plenty of things to do on the weekend, three world class National Parks in the backyard, etc.

So it comes back to one thing: The heat.

You Have Heard Of This New Technology Called “Air Conditioning” and “Shade”, Right?

People afraid of the heat forget about the benefits. The perfect Summer evenings on a patio with a beer in one hand and a taco in another. Or the nights when it’s perfectly comfortable to swim and… have more beer.

Maybe Sactown is the only other West Coast city that can brag about that. Sorry, Portland & Seattle, we got ya on something.

Paying Triple To Not Experience A Hot Summer Is Crazy!

When a nice house in Fresno that costs $250,000 is going to cost $1,000,000 on the coast, I think “I’m good here, thanks.”

I admit, this past weekend of “coastal” weather was nice and I appreciated it. Enjoyed it. But I’ll go ahead and continue enduring hot Summers, for now, and not feel like an idiot when my mortgage bill comes. You can enjoy your 70s.