River Park is 19 years old. Yep, hard to believe. Google said it so it must be true. Love it or hate, it’s a part of us now. All of it.
So River Park is pretty old and we are STILL learning how to maneuver through the damn traffic circle! Really though, when you drive up to it it’s like “Here we go. I wonder what’s going to happen this time.”
PRO TIP #1
Do NOT stop once you are in the traffic circle. Are you in the traffic circle? Good. That’s YOUR traffic circle now. Anybody that tries to come inside it is a trespasser and should yield to your power. They are your bitch.
PRO TIP #2
See pro tip #1. Or in other words: yield to the person already in the traffic circle. Remember, they are your King for the next few seconds and what they say goes.
That’s it. That’s all you need to remember. But if you still need help…
CLASS! Pay attention:
But hey. Don’t feel so dumb, Fresno. We are not the only ones that get confused with traffic circles. At least I’ve yet to see somebody going the wrong way like some dumbass Canadian hoser, ey?:
I’m going to stop there with the traffic circles videos. It can take you down a weird rabbit hold. Like this traffic circle video that’s oddly sensual:
Really I’d like to see everyone just have fun with the River Park Circle. It’s like a ride. Have fun. Just remember to yield when appropriate.
Fresnans are getting all giddy about the new Fulton Street… or is it still a mall? …it’s definitely a dirt road of some sort. A dirt road? Well I guess that’s REALLY getting back to what Fulton Street used to be.
Since Fulton is getting the attention it deserves, it’s time to focus on a little known area of Fresno. It’s super indie and hipster, doubt you’ve heard of it. The kids call it: River Park.
Although really they should call it “The Park”. That sounds like just the right amount of douchey.
So yeah, all this mall-street buzz has me feeling all nostalgic for the good old days. The good old days of … THE Park.
I remember my mom bringing me there as a younger person. We used to roam through the old toy store. Remember? Like, the smart kid toy store or whatever, that’s now a Yardhouse?
Or World Sports Cafe? All the drunk times spent in there… drunk off all the Fresno State games I watched, of course. Ahhh, the times.
Oh and that one place on the corner before it became a Vegas style Subway. What the hell was the name of that place? I think it involved elephants or some shit. Yeah. Good memories.
Oh and remember the fountain in front of Edward’s? Ohhhh that fountain:
Now? It’s just pretty weeds. No water feature at all. So sad. Guess they didn’t want to fix it. No city budget and stuff.
It seems The Park needs a shot of something. Some change. Hell I’m just gonna say it: Open River Park to traffic!
Really though, look at that empty, abandoned store front right in the heart of THE Park:
If only I could drive my car right up to the front, I would SHOP THE FUCK out of that store! No matter what bullshit crap they were selling. But sadly there are those stupid table and chairs getting in my car’s way.
So, Mayor Swear Bear, on your way out, maybe hook The Park up with some of that tasty grant and measure money. If I can’t drive right up to the Five Guys then there is no point in going in and getting their wanna-be In&Out burgers.
And for you old readers of The Fresnan. Yes, I am totally ripping off an old post. But it’s cool because you can call it “re-purposing” and it makes it like, totally, totally fine.