7 Fresno Things I’m Totally Not Doing Right Now But Should Be!

I have really good Fresno intentions. You know, do all the cool Fresno things all the time. In actuality that does not happen very often. Like everyone, I’m busy. But when I’m not busy, I’m lazy and I like to hermit.

Sometimes I need to push myself to Fresno more and these are seven random things that are nagging me at the moment:

  • Planting more food. I have a peach tree, a grapefruit tree I rarely use, a fig tree, a pepper bush, but I need more. If there is space in the yard it needs to be filled with plants that grow food. Fresno is the damn food capital for a reason, muthafuckaaa.
  • Returning to Forestiere Underground Gardens. It’s kinda been a long time. Long time (*whispers* Star Wars reference). Every time I drive by and see people there I feel bad and say “I gotta go!” (pic at top).
  • Turning off my damn phone and maybe enjoying a night on the patio with my thoughts or talking to another human. That is what Fresno nights are all about. This talking to humans thing can be rather difficult though.
  • Taking cold showers. Nooooo, not for the reason you’re thinking. Because this is maybe the best way you to start a hot day in Fresno. I really think that when I end my showers with a minute of cold water, it helps my core temp stay lower during the day. Might be bullshit but I really do believe it.
  • Going to Taco Bell less. Fresno is the taco capital. Yet, I will still get them damn crunchy corporate tacos more times than real deal. They are just too damn easy to get.
  • Hiking more. We need to be an outdoor city and I need to do more of this hiking junk. The San Joaquin River Gorge looks like a good place to start.
  • Attending more local music shows. Ever since Audie’s Olympic closed, I have a hard time dragging my ass to a show. Although I did see Farooq at Tioga Sequoia recently and that was rad.

You have a list of Fresno things you need to do more of or even start doing for the first time. Leave it in the comments and I’ll see you on the trails. Just don’t forget the cold shower before you go.

 

Catching Up On Fresno

Sorry, loyal Fresnan reader! I missed my self-imposed Tuesday night deadline for a new post. I was deep in the Oregon woods with no Internet. It was relaxing and annoying all at once.

So, come with me as I try to find some Fresno that I missed.

Tacos!
The now nationally famous, Taco Truck Throwdown, happened. It can be considered the tent-pole event that proves we are the Taco Capital of the United States. Joey Chestnut ate many, others dropped a lot of salsa on the ground.

High-Speed Rail!
Will Fresno become a bedroom community for the Silicon Valley? We shall see starting in 2025. I foresee a mix of our own organic tech community (see: Bitwise) and San Jose commuters. Personally, I will just use it to see shows at Shoreline. (pic above a rendering of Fresno’s station)

Booze In All The Wrong Places!
With the City Council wasting time being overly concerned about legal pot dispensaries, they conveniently forget about the real problem in Fresno. That problem is too many liquor stores South of Shaw.

The last thing a rough neighborhood needs is a liquor store. Please work on this problem, City Of Fresno, and don’t waste time with scaring people into thinking a few pot dispensaries would EVEN COME REMOTELY CLOSE to being as bad as an ugly liquor store on every corner.

River Park Became The Red Waste!
A fire plane “malfunctioned” and dumped fire retardant all over NE Fresno, including River Park. This bit of news somehow made it past my lack of Internet while on vacation because funny always makes it through.

Alright, I guess this isn’t funny if your business or car got messed up, so I am truly sorry for those folk. But when I heard that a fire plane dumped red junk on River Park, I did laugh.

Gary Bredefeld Embarrassing Fresno Again!
Northeast Fresno truly has the Councilman it deserves. Determined to do and say as many dumb things that he can within a year, Breders believes all City workers with a weapons permit should bring their gun to work with them. WHAT A FUN WORK ENVIRONMENT!

So now the sketchy dude we were already worried about coming into work wanting to shoot the place up one day can constantly walk around the office ready to mow me down at the first sign of stress and it’s perfectly legal!

This idea made national news, if you somehow think Breitbart is actually news. Sadly? for Gary B, Fresno already allows select vetted workers to carry their penis enlargements guns, which is a little uncomfortable to just now learn. Research much, Gary?

That Is Enough For Now.
If I missed something you think I’d find interesting, feel free to leave it in the comments. Thanks for being here!

When Is The Damn Fulton Street Opening Anyway?


ME: I have grown weary of the continuous string of Fulton Street Mall updates within my social media feed.

VOICE IN MY HEAD: What the hell are you doing posting about Fulton Mall Street then!?

ME: I dunno, bro, I gotta post about something! People expect, you know, something.

VOICE IN HEAD: Jesus, you suck at blogging and this is already boring.

ME: Agreed.

But you see, a big thing happened on Fulton today. To make room for cars they moved the Clock Tower across the “street”. I guess the time had come…

I know this because it was all over local social today.

It was on Facebook:

On Twitter:

On Instagram:


On Google Plus: Just kidding, nobody posts on there anymore.

There is even video:


So now that’s out of the way, the City Of Fresno feels confident enough to announce a Grand Opening date for cruising Fulton Street. That date is October 21st!

You may be like me and have questions about this Fulton Street and its October (yeah, we’ll see) opening. Let’s go through a few:

  • Will there be asphalt? Yes.
  • Will there be room for two cars? Yes.
  • Will there be room for Clovis dually trucks? No.
  • Will the fountains work? Supposedly.
  • Will Parker get in some sort of zany wreck on Fulton Street? One can hope.
  • Will there be parking meters? Yes.
  • Will I have to learn how to parallel park? Yes. It seems that parallel will be the parking style of choice, down Fulton.
  • Will I be able to get drunk on the sidewalk? Hopefully. And if Fieldwork opens up a taproom on Fulton? For sure.
  • Will that old buffass dude with the boombox still be blasting on Fulton? Yes – he will find a way.

So I’ll see ya out there in October, I guess, fighting for a parking spot. Actually, I probably won’t even try and end up parking in front of Tioga like I always do.

*top pic stolen from City of Fresno’s Twitter feed.

I May Have Ruined Fresno’s Chance At A Fieldwork Taproom


I’ve been trolling Fieldwork Brewing’s Twitter account.
Occasionally when they announce a new beer being released at one of their taprooms, I re-tweet and add something like “And soon our Fresno Taproom”.

You see, California allows breweries to open up a certain amount of “remote” or satellite taprooms. Remote being a taproom not on the grounds of the brewery or in their home city. Fieldwork has one in Berkley (main brewery) and four remote taprooms: Napa, San Mateo, Sacramento and soon to be Monterey. State law allows five remote taprooms.

Fieldwork has only one left to give. I want it to be Fresno.

Berkeley’s Fieldwork Brewing is arguably the hottest brewery in the state. They make damn fine beer. It would be a real kickass thing to have them open up their taproom here. We are on the look out for coolass things for Fresno after all.

Hell, maybe a rooftop Fieldwork taproom in Downtown Fresno? Sounds pretty freaking sweet to me and you can add it to the Ale Trail, bro.

But don’t get excited, Fresnan. I may have been trying too hard and messed it all up – the story of my life. 

At first, a recent Twitter troll looked promising.

SUCCESS! They want to take a tour! I’m The Fresnan and on a craft beer podcast, I can show them some cool junk! Let’s do this!

But then they started researching shit.

“Wait until the fall”? That is basically “Don’t call us, we’ll call you.” DAMMIT!

But as long as there is still a chance for the one remaining taproom to come to Fresno, I’ll keep trying. I don’t care how many beers I have to drink while waiting. I will not do it for me, I will do it for Fresno!

*pic stolen from thebrewermagazine.com

 

How Are We Going To Make Fresno “Cool”, Yo?

We have a problem here. A problem I bounce around in a post from time to time but never take on directly.

What will it take for Fresno to be considered a cool city?

If you’re thinking “Hey, but wait, I already think it’s cool!” I don’t disagree with you, but we both have to acknowledge that we are in the minority, chief.

How do we make Fresno appear cool to an outsider? This is what I’m talking about. To a Fresno State grad, we lost to brain drain? What can we do to win that person back? It’s a question that Fresno creatives have been wrestling with for many years.

First. The Immovable Object.

We are land locked, no getting around that. Except that we are not as landlocked as Denver, or Boise, or Dallas, or Every City Not On The Ocean. We can go to the beach for a morning surf session and be back in town for a late lunch.

So while this is tough, we have workarounds, it could be a lot worse.

The air sucks. It does. But, the past couple years, it feeeeels like it has gotten better?  And if California can (continue?) to lead in clean air…stuff and things? Maybe I’m being naive but I feel like future technology and regulations will make the terrible air a thing of the past. But we definitely need to be a lead-city on clean air initiatives.

Booze May Be An Answer.

Here might be a cool city suggestion we can work on:

Rooftop whiskey bars, eh? I definitely like the idea of rooftop things – like the pic at the top of the post from a Phoenix rooftop bar. And adding a niche element like whiskey is the kind of thing that pushes something from being “Oh that, you can find that in every city.” To “Oh that is rad, I wish we had one of those in our city.”

That unique, “can’t put my finger on it why it’s cool but I just know it’s cool” thing is really what we need to get at here in Fresno.

Touting our agriculture backbone. Being sunny almost every damn day. Embracing our sports, like the soccer community that gets bigger every year:

We’re just spitballing here.

The Cool Roots Are Taking Hold.

We have things already going for us. Not many cities can boast that they are a “basecamp city” to three National Parks. One of which, Yosemite, is considered by many to hold the most beautiful place in the world, Yosemite Valley – and I am in complete agreement with that.

There are other signs of coolness brewing as well. Bitwise pushing Fresno into the tech and startup scene is a big one. The rising craft beer and coffee scene. Branding ourselves as the Capitol of Tacos. These are the kind of things to ride into the cool town sunset.

So let’s tally up some of the cool stuff we got and the stuff we can do more of:

  • Agriculture.
  • Craft Beer – even more breweries.
  • Bitwise and tech.
  • Tacos.
  • Sports – including soccer.
  • Diversity.
  • Leader In Clean Air.
  • Outdoor city – more trails, parks, and owning the Sierra Nevada closeness.

This is but a humble start of a list by a blogger that only went as far as Fresno City College – a great community college, btw. I know only bits and pieces of things. So I choose you to comment and help.

What are some of your suggestions? Leave a comment! On the August episode of Flowing With Famous, myself and Joshua Tehee will parse them out and talk about them on the podcast.

Cool? Cool.

 

Foo Fighters! Foo Fighters Show In Fresno! Foosnooooo!

It’s the kind of news that turns a bad day into a good one. The Foo Fighter’s lifelong dream of coming to Fresno is finally a real thing!

They will be here December 1st. That’s a Friday night show, brotha! Foo on Friday! #FooFriday. Tickets on sale, June 29th, at the old classic time of 10 AM. Check out their website for pre-sale.

The super important question already being asked. Will Dave use the tired “I think this town should be called FresYES not FresNO!” joke?

But isn’t Dave Grohl too cool for such a joke? I hope so. I think so.

I will accept an “I don’t call this place FresNO, I call it FOOno!” joke. But if Dave does the tired and corny “I don’t say FresNO, I say FresYES!” joke, I will boycott the next song by sitting down in my seat, folding my arms and staring Dave down with a very disappointed smirk.

I’m getting away from the fact that it’s so freaking awesome that the Foo is finally coming to Fresno. This news will make the summer so much easier, having this to look forward too in December.

So, good job Fresno. And we didn’t even have to gather all the town’s musicians to convince them to come.

*Pic stolen from here.