Only Super Rad Skate Tricks Are Allowed On Fulton Street Mall Now

The Fulton Mall is gone. I know. It’s tough to hear. But it’s true. It’s gone.

I already miss the debating.”What are we going to do with the Fulton Mall!?” “Maybe if a Starbucks opens that will save it!” “A Starbucks? Fuck you. All local businesses, asshole!” “They just need to get the fountains working!” “No. They need to have more signage for parking and educate North Fresno about…”

All that is over.

Traffic has returned to Fulton Mall Street… wait, I can’t even include “mall” anymore. Traffic has returned to Fulton Street, for the first time and whateverhowmany years. Even though the Grand Opening is not until next month, you can already drive down parts of Fulton Street. Rev up them Clovis dually trucks and have at it.

Speaking of having at it, skaters are already having a go at the functioning again fountains on Fulton Street.

https://twitter.com/MarekTheBee/status/911687432793288704

Nice move, bro. So, fun, right? WRONG! The skateboards are fucking up the new cement! At least that’s what I’m told.

There was a big battle on a local Facebook group this past weekend. The battle involved a person not real pleased with the skateboarders and BMX bikers already using Fulton as a skate park. And the skaters/bikers getting a bit saucy in their response to the “Get off my damn lawn, you lousy kids!” attacks.

Should Skaters Be Allowed On Fulton Street?

This is actually a damn good debate, both sides have a good point.

PROS FOR SKATERS ON FULTON!

  • Skater tricks are fun to watch.
  • Sometimes they fall and it’s funny.
  • I feel young a cool watching skaters do skaters things and imagine what it’s like to be awesome and stuff and think “Yeah, I could totally do that if I wanted and stuff, but I don’t so whatever.”

CONS FOR SKATERS ON FULTON

  • They damage (over time and inadvertently) the new cement with their boards, and could hurt their butts trying to perform a trick. Nobody likes to have a hurt butt.
  • They seem pretty cool and I’m afraid I’ll feel old and lame as I walk by them.

So what to do, what to do… well, the City of Fresno is apparently working on how to deal with the skateboarders:

https://twitter.com/MarkStandriff/status/912380453595660289

This sounds like skaters will be on their way out.

But enforcement would be tough. Fulton Street is not River Park. River Park has security roaming around all the time. Fulton does not. The skaters are free to do whatever. That is until a random Fresno Police Person comes by or a concerned Facebook Group Citizen…person suggests that maybe they could possibly stop.

I say let the skaters stay for now. There was a time when skaters were the only people using the mall after the sun went down. I remember walking down the mall at night, 10 years ago, and recording video of skaters doing tricks on the Fulton Mall because it was literally the only cool thing I had seen on the mall at night.

But if they suck at skating? You know, like, they only perform boring tricks and fall down and break off cement and look totally not cool?… done.

*Pic stolen from a ABC 30 Insider.

Where To Park At Whole Foods Fresno – The Most Important Blog Post You’ll Read In The Next Five Minutes

Since Amazon bought Whole Foods, people are a little worried about Amazon taking over all the things. I would be worried too except Wal Mart already did it, so let’s stop freaking out. Maybe focus on stopping Wal Mart and not worry so much about Whole Foods until they are dealt with.

Anywayyyy, the Fresno Whole Foods, located in Fig Garden Village, may not have a top ranking parking lot, but it is an interesting one.

I know what you’re thinking “Holy shit, this asshole is going to do another parking related post. What the hell is this site and why am I still here!?”

LOOK, BRO! People like this stuff. It’s like, everyday life and crap. It’s fun.

PARKING LOT BREAK DOWN

I’ll get to my favorite parking spot in a second. But first, the worst place to park? The Main Lot. You could also call this the Western Lot:

Oh sure, it looks benign now. But it’s tight and super annoying. You know how many Prius you have to avoid in this area? Look, I can see one in that picture already. I never park in this area.

As an extension to this lot, there is the area next to Habit Burger’s patio. I do sometimes park here, but only when going to Habit and not when I am just shopping at Whole Foods.

BETTER SPOTS

I’m not sure I would walk THIS far (even though I am a big advocate of walking instead of driving around searching for the closest spot), but if you’re feeling adventurous and really don’t want to park next to anyone, get out to the North side as it gets closer to the Wassabbi’s parking. No drama out here (except for a dude that can’t park straight):

This one has chargers. And hey, there is even a car getting charged up as we speak. Way to save some air, dude:

While not all of us can park in those particular stalls, I do like that lot to park in. The area closer to the apartments is a good one because it’s not busy.

But it’s not my favorite area to park. In fact, my favorite is not even an area. It’s one parking stall in particular. It even has its own restroom… Continue reading “Where To Park At Whole Foods Fresno – The Most Important Blog Post You’ll Read In The Next Five Minutes”

Catching Up On Fresno

Sorry, loyal Fresnan reader! I missed my self-imposed Tuesday night deadline for a new post. I was deep in the Oregon woods with no Internet. It was relaxing and annoying all at once.

So, come with me as I try to find some Fresno that I missed.

Tacos!
The now nationally famous, Taco Truck Throwdown, happened. It can be considered the tent-pole event that proves we are the Taco Capital of the United States. Joey Chestnut ate many, others dropped a lot of salsa on the ground.

High-Speed Rail!
Will Fresno become a bedroom community for the Silicon Valley? We shall see starting in 2025. I foresee a mix of our own organic tech community (see: Bitwise) and San Jose commuters. Personally, I will just use it to see shows at Shoreline. (pic above a rendering of Fresno’s station)

Booze In All The Wrong Places!
With the City Council wasting time being overly concerned about legal pot dispensaries, they conveniently forget about the real problem in Fresno. That problem is too many liquor stores South of Shaw.

The last thing a rough neighborhood needs is a liquor store. Please work on this problem, City Of Fresno, and don’t waste time with scaring people into thinking a few pot dispensaries would EVEN COME REMOTELY CLOSE to being as bad as an ugly liquor store on every corner.

River Park Became The Red Waste!
A fire plane “malfunctioned” and dumped fire retardant all over NE Fresno, including River Park. This bit of news somehow made it past my lack of Internet while on vacation because funny always makes it through.

Alright, I guess this isn’t funny if your business or car got messed up, so I am truly sorry for those folk. But when I heard that a fire plane dumped red junk on River Park, I did laugh.

Gary Bredefeld Embarrassing Fresno Again!
Northeast Fresno truly has the Councilman it deserves. Determined to do and say as many dumb things that he can within a year, Breders believes all City workers with a weapons permit should bring their gun to work with them. WHAT A FUN WORK ENVIRONMENT!

So now the sketchy dude we were already worried about coming into work wanting to shoot the place up one day can constantly walk around the office ready to mow me down at the first sign of stress and it’s perfectly legal!

This idea made national news, if you somehow think Breitbart is actually news. Sadly? for Gary B, Fresno already allows select vetted workers to carry their penis enlargements guns, which is a little uncomfortable to just now learn. Research much, Gary?

That Is Enough For Now.
If I missed something you think I’d find interesting, feel free to leave it in the comments. Thanks for being here!

I Have Fresno Blogging Block. Send Help.

I have nothing to write for my regular Fresnan Tuesday post.

So, here I am writing to fill the white space in my WordPress editor. Have you noticed yet this is about nothing? Dammit.

Now I’m just going to take random letters and form into fake words in hopes that it will shake loose an idea in my head that I can write a post about: kriskc mastrony lwffeo offing icluse mqwue, tieongon.

Fuck. Nothing.

Maybe if I just start saying “Fresno” some cool Fresno related idea for a post will come to mind. “Fresno. Fresno. Fresno. Fresno. Fresno. Clovis. Fresno. Fres. No. Fresno. Pinedale. Fresno Fresno FresNOOOO!”

Nope. Still nothing.

I was almost going to do a post around this picture of the old Courthouse in front of the then “new” Courthouse (from Historical Perspectives) because I thought it was cool:

Fresno County Courthouse construction, Nov. 1965
Fresno County Courthouse construction, Nov. 1965

But then it felt kind of boring. So I trashed it.

Welp, still have nothing. This sucks. Doesn’t suck as bad as Clovis, but it still sucks.

The FUSD hotshot guy is bailing or some mess and said “Fresno was a place nobody wanted to be…” He also used the word “damn” when answering a question from the Bee. I’D LIKE TO SEE THE CLOVIS UNIFIED SUPER GET RAW LIKE THAT, DAMMIT!

Oh dude, speaking of the Bee, voting has begun for Peoples Choice Awards. Damn straight I will write a post that rips-off is inspired by these awards. But that will be next Tuesday or the Tuesday after I’ll write that post. Too much work right now.

But really, how can my brain function properly for Fresno posts when a new Star Wars movie comes out Thursday night?! It seems there are tickets left at all the Fresno spots. Still trying to decide what theater will I be taking in my first viewing of Rogue One at. I’m leaning towards Broadway Faire.

This post idea block is getting a bit serious, I’m still wandering here.

Maybe leave a comment about an idea for a post you’ve always wanted to see on The Fresnan. No NO! That makes me look like a hack. Asking people for ideas? What have I become?

How ’bout you just comment on what local theater you’re seeing Rogue One at. Or, what Fresno theater is your favorite to see the big ‘tent pole’ films at?

Wait. There is an idea for a post!: What Fresno theater is your favorite to see event films at? … ahhhhh crap, too late now, have to save that idea for another time.

Welp. Time to go get drunk. I have Dust Bowl “Therapist” triple IPA waiting for me in the fridge and it’s not going to drink itself.

How To Never Make Money Blogging

keyboard

The luxurious world of blogging is real. The rumors are true. All the money and fame you assume happens to bloggers? I’m here to tell you it happens. Girls. Free shit. Best tables at restaurants. Passes to all the cool shows.

Of course I’m lying. None of those things are true.

Being a blogger is the lowest rung of the cool person pole. And that’s OK. That’s why I like it. Apparently I love spending hours of personal time trying to think of something to blog about and then doing it and then getting zero dollars for it and 40 people to look at it. It’s neat.

I have a lot of experience in blogging for nothing. Since 2002. Here is my “how to” for making sure you never get paid for blogging. Especially blogging about Fresno.

  • Never guest blog. That blog about puppy enthusiast culture doesn’t need your traffic and you don’t need theirs.
  • Don’t communicate with people. Never engage with humans. Especially influential bloggers or readers. This may cause them to notice you and hire you for things and subscribe to your blog.
  • If people compliment you, ignore them. If they like your stuff, they likely suck and their opinion is stupid.
  • Don’t do sponsored posts. If someone offers you money to write about their product, tell them “No I’m too punk rock for that.”
  • Don’t ask for help. Never ever ask people “Could you share my blog with all your cool friends? Thanks.” This could drive traffic to your blog and maybe prompt people to hire you for something.
  • Never take yourself seriously. Don’t convince yourself that you’re good at blogging. Just keep telling yourself it’s impossible to make ANY sort of living doing something that’s totally cool and rad.

There. You have been let into the world of not making money blogging. I’ve been following this advice for years and I have no money in the bank from blogging to show for it.

Keep this information to yourself for it is highly valuable. Next time I’ll conduct a seminar on “How To Not Make Money Podcasting” – it’s pretty much the same course.

*In case you noticed this is an odd post for The Fresnan, I’m taking part in a seven-day “blogging challenge”. One writing prompt a day for seven days straight. This one is day 5: write a “how to” post.

Previous posts:

This Popolo’s Pizza problem needs to get sorted out, Fresno

popolo's pizza front

UPDATE: Consider this sorted out; statement from Popolo’s:

We’re excited to announce, that Popolo’s Pizza & More! will be relocating to 7835 N. Palm Ave. #106, off of Palm & Nees in Fresno!

As saddened as we are leaving our Blackstone & Herndon location that we have occupied for almost 31 years, we feel that the matters we’ve been faced with these last couple of months, has forced us as a family to make this decision.

Our new location will have a large banquet room, patio, arcade and a beer & wine bar. With relocating to Park Place, we will be able to keep our existing delivery area & expand it, and also still be close to our previous location where our customers who live or/and work close to the area or travel from across town can find us a short drive up the street.

We want to say “THANK YOU!” to all of our amazing family, friends and customers for all of your support & patience during this difficult time. We will keep everyone updated as much as possible for all of the new & exciting things to come!

Thank you,
The Greene Family!
Popolo’s Pizza & More!
New location coming June 2016!!!!!!!!!!

[ORIGINAL POST]:
You are not going to take this lying down in your soft, sinking booth, are you, Fresnans? Popolo’s Pizza is temporarily closed. My breadstick craving gizzard is weeping. No salad bar. No pizza. No tube televisions to watch. No booth dividers to remove. Checking the taps in the waiting area is pointless. POINTLESS! *drops to knees* WHY, GOD, WHY!?!

It apparently has something to do with the building’s foundation. The floor of Popolo’s currently looks like this:

Popolo's Pizza floor

Did you see that!? The gap between the floor and earth? What is there like a hidden creek running beneath Pop’s? There is not supposed to be a crawl space in that building. So yeah, I can see why it might not be wise to be open with that lurking underneath.

Luckily they don’t own the building so it’s not on them to fix it. But they are not making any money right now and I’m am sitting around waiting to give them mine in exchange for a Van Ness Extension (hold the peppers).

This. This is serious guys. Oh these sad lonely booths:

empty popolo's pizza booth

I would look damn good sitting in one of them. Proudly making a plate of potato skins disappear and ordering another Tioga Sequoia XPA #DrinkLocalBro.

So what’s the update on the place? Let’s get this figured out, dammit! Well I got this from Popolo’s Pizza themselves:
Continue reading “This Popolo’s Pizza problem needs to get sorted out, Fresno”