The luxurious world of blogging is real. The rumors are true. All the money and fame you assume happens to bloggers? I’m here to tell you it happens. Girls. Free shit. Best tables at restaurants. Passes to all the cool shows.
Of course I’m lying. None of those things are true.
Being a blogger is the lowest rung of the cool person pole. And that’s OK. That’s why I like it. Apparently I love spending hours of personal time trying to think of something to blog about and then doing it and then getting zero dollars for it and 40 people to look at it. It’s neat.
I have a lot of experience in blogging for nothing. Since 2002. Here is my “how to” for making sure you never get paid for blogging. Especially blogging about Fresno.
Never guest blog. That blog about puppy enthusiast culture doesn’t need your traffic and you don’t need theirs.
Don’t communicate with people. Never engage with humans. Especially influential bloggers or readers. This may cause them to notice you and hire you for things and subscribe to your blog.
If people compliment you, ignore them. If they like your stuff, they likely suck and their opinion is stupid.
Don’t do sponsored posts. If someone offers you money to write about their product, tell them “No I’m too punk rock for that.”
Don’t ask for help. Never ever ask people “Could you share my blog with all your cool friends? Thanks.” This could drive traffic to your blog and maybe prompt people to hire you for something.
Never take yourself seriously. Don’t convince yourself that you’re good at blogging. Just keep telling yourself it’s impossible to make ANY sort of living doing something that’s totally cool and rad.
There. You have been let into the world of not making money blogging. I’ve been following this advice for years and I have no money in the bank from blogging to show for it.
Keep this information to yourself for it is highly valuable. Next time I’ll conduct a seminar on “How To Not Make Money Podcasting” – it’s pretty much the same course.
*In case you noticed this is an odd post for The Fresnan, I’m taking part in a seven-day “blogging challenge”. One writing prompt a day for seven days straight. This one is day 5: write a “how to” post.
Palmdon Drive? Palm. don. Can we agree it’s the worst street name in Fresno? I get it, I get it, it’s a blend of Palm & Herndon. Yeah well it’s terrible.
I don’t think it’s a legit street name. When you look it up in Google Maps, it will show where Palmdon Drive is but it won’t place the name on the street. I think the street sign holds as much validity as an “Only Bulldog Fans Can Park Here” novelty sign.
This block used to be a fig orchard. NW Fresno used to be filled with fig orchards. They are all but gone now. I lived in the neighborhood behind it when I was a kid and that fig orchard was our park.
I used to hit golf balls, play wiffleball, let my dogs run around and attempt to catch jack rabbits, and even hide from tween life. In later years it became a place to have “fig parties” but that’s a story for another time.
Now it’s just offices, car dealerships, Starbucks and of course, the Univison Tower:
Back in 2009 we dubbed it: “El Torre Chingon” (That Fucking Tower).
Not really sure why I feel like it would be better if there were still fig orchards around. It just feels wrong that they are all gone. Particularly this one.
Don’t be frightened. Farooq is not here to harm you. Their brand of sincere hardcore Fresno metal, is here to make you feel pumped and awesome.
They have a new EP/album-promo out on Bandcamp called “Heel”. Here is an odd BUT TOTALLY METAL, BRO review:
BIGGEST HEADBANGING POINT: The 2:13 to 2:31 mark of “Hoarders”.
STRONGEST MOMENT FOR THE F-WORD: Three seconds into “Ask Me”.
SECTION THAT SOUNDED THE MOST LIKE SUICIDAL TENDENCIES: The :45 Second to :55 second mark of “Ask Me”.
OH SHIT, THAT WAS COOL: When “Write Up” stops and he says “Are you mad ’cause I’m stylin’ on you?” At least I really fucking hope he says “stylin’ on you” because it’s rad and I will be saying “Are you mad ’cause I’m stylin’ on you?” to people all day today and forevermore.
THE PART WHERE YOUR MOM OVERHEARS WHAT YOU ARE LISTENING TO AND SAYS “WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU LISTENING TO, SON?”: The first minute of “Write Up”.
You may think that you can’t handle hardcore style stuff but really, I find Farooq more accessible than you think. Give it a shot. I love these dudes.
How does this new play area at Holman Park in Fresno, not have some sort of awning built into the budget?
Has anyone in the parks department tried putting their kid down a slide in Fresno in the summer? It burns. It sticks. I’m pretty sure it’s child abuse.
IT GETS FREAKING HOT!
In the Summer, you basically won’t be able to use it during the day. Just so you know – in case kids weird you out and you don’t know much about them – children like playing in the day. Sorta key for a play area to useful when the sun is out.
I’m speaking up for the kids…yeah that’s the ticket, for the kids. I, an adult male, would never want to play on this. Because I’m an adult and that would be silly. That slide doesn’t look inviting at all:
Maybe it’s not too late. Maybe it’s going to be the last thing they install, since they are not quite done with the project. But I see no evidence of it.
Come on, guys, I want to slide-it-up in the shade… I mean my kid. My kid really wants to slide it up.