Where To Park At Whole Foods Fresno – The Most Important Blog Post You’ll Read In The Next Five Minutes

Since Amazon bought Whole Foods, people are a little worried about Amazon taking over all the things. I would be worried too except Wal Mart already did it, so let’s stop freaking out. Maybe focus on stopping Wal Mart and not worry so much about Whole Foods until they are dealt with.

Anywayyyy, the Fresno Whole Foods, located in Fig Garden Village, may not have a top ranking parking lot, but it is an interesting one.

I know what you’re thinking “Holy shit, this asshole is going to do another parking related post. What the hell is this site and why am I still here!?”

LOOK, BRO! People like this stuff. It’s like, everyday life and crap. It’s fun.

PARKING LOT BREAK DOWN

I’ll get to my favorite parking spot in a second. But first, the worst place to park? The Main Lot. You could also call this the Western Lot:

Oh sure, it looks benign now. But it’s tight and super annoying. You know how many Prius you have to avoid in this area? Look, I can see one in that picture already. I never park in this area.

As an extension to this lot, there is the area next to Habit Burger’s patio. I do sometimes park here, but only when going to Habit and not when I am just shopping at Whole Foods.

BETTER SPOTS

I’m not sure I would walk THIS far (even though I am a big advocate of walking instead of driving around searching for the closest spot), but if you’re feeling adventurous and really don’t want to park next to anyone, get out to the North side as it gets closer to the Wassabbi’s parking. No drama out here (except for a dude that can’t park straight):

This one has chargers. And hey, there is even a car getting charged up as we speak. Way to save some air, dude:

While not all of us can park in those particular stalls, I do like that lot to park in. The area closer to the apartments is a good one because it’s not busy.

But it’s not my favorite area to park. In fact, my favorite is not even an area. It’s one parking stall in particular. It even has its own restroom… Continue reading “Where To Park At Whole Foods Fresno – The Most Important Blog Post You’ll Read In The Next Five Minutes”

7 Fresno Things I’m Totally Not Doing Right Now But Should Be!

I have really good Fresno intentions. You know, do all the cool Fresno things all the time. In actuality that does not happen very often. Like everyone, I’m busy. But when I’m not busy, I’m lazy and I like to hermit.

Sometimes I need to push myself to Fresno more and these are seven random things that are nagging me at the moment:

  • Planting more food. I have a peach tree, a grapefruit tree I rarely use, a fig tree, a pepper bush, but I need more. If there is space in the yard it needs to be filled with plants that grow food. Fresno is the damn food capital for a reason, muthafuckaaa.
  • Returning to Forestiere Underground Gardens. It’s kinda been a long time. Long time (*whispers* Star Wars reference). Every time I drive by and see people there I feel bad and say “I gotta go!” (pic at top).
  • Turning off my damn phone and maybe enjoying a night on the patio with my thoughts or talking to another human. That is what Fresno nights are all about. This talking to humans thing can be rather difficult though.
  • Taking cold showers. Nooooo, not for the reason you’re thinking. Because this is maybe the best way you to start a hot day in Fresno. I really think that when I end my showers with a minute of cold water, it helps my core temp stay lower during the day. Might be bullshit but I really do believe it.
  • Going to Taco Bell less. Fresno is the taco capital. Yet, I will still get them damn crunchy corporate tacos more times than real deal. They are just too damn easy to get.
  • Hiking more. We need to be an outdoor city and I need to do more of this hiking junk. The San Joaquin River Gorge looks like a good place to start.
  • Attending more local music shows. Ever since Audie’s Olympic closed, I have a hard time dragging my ass to a show. Although I did see Farooq at Tioga Sequoia recently and that was rad.

You have a list of Fresno things you need to do more of or even start doing for the first time. Leave it in the comments and I’ll see you on the trails. Just don’t forget the cold shower before you go.

 

Granville Running A Local News Site Is Making Me Feel Weird Things

Should a Fresnan be worried that local dominate developer, Granville Homes, runs a local news based website?

Well, I wasn’t. When I saw GV Wire pop up earlier this year I thought. “Well, this is silly. You guys are covering stories that the Fresno Bee (probably wisely) deemed too boring to post. Have fun with that.” Then I went about my nerdy Fresno Internet day.

Then, last week, came the news that Granville courted the Fresno Bee’s Bill McEwen over to their site. [insert surprised emoji here]

Wait. That’s a real dude who knows what he’s doing. A guy I trust. A guy that has written a lot of columns I like and agree with. And he’s leaving the Bee to work for a developer’s attempt at a news site?

This. Just. Got. Serious.

Granville running a news website brings up questions.

Yeah. Why DOES a developer need a news site? A developer with ownership that fights Fresno’s attempts to not sprawl, every step of the way. Ownership that can be at odds with local media.

The answer is, Granville wants to control the local narrative. Duuuhh.

Them damn liberals at the Fresno Bee won’t talk about the latest cool opening of another development! They like bike lanes and buses and think our air should be cleaner. Yeah, they don’t know what they’re doing. We’ll start a REAL news site. One that covers issues us old dudes care about!

Have fun with that guys. Even with Bill Mac working for ya, people are not going to give a shit.

I can not think of a worse type of company to run a local media website in Fresno, than a housing developer. They have made such a mess of this town over many years, I can not trust that they will be neutral about anything regarding city planning.

Before you say “Hey, but doesn’t the Bee take advertising dollars from Granville?” Sure they do. But being a paper run by journalists with a very serious separation of marketing and reporting:

I trust the Bee has Fresno’s best interest at heart. I do not feel the same about any developer getting into the media game.

*Pic yanked from here.

I Promise My PG&E Bill Is Bigger Than Yours

Have you noticed Fresno has been a bit cooler lately? The difference is very subtle, but it’s there. Well, you can thank me for that.

It seems I have teamed up with Pacific Gas & Electric to try and cool down Fresno with just my air conditioner unit. If you don’t believe me, here is my real PG&E bill to prove it:

Hey, the only thing I can figure out from this bill is that I must have kept all my doors and windows open all day with the AC set to 68 so that Fresno can feel just slightly cooler. You. Are. Welcome.

Blogging Is Not A Rich Dude Trade.

How can one pay for such a bill? I’m not exactly sure because it’s way over my budget, but somehow the lights stay on every day and my beer fridge keeps running – thank God.

But what the fuck? Why is it this crazy? It’s $200 more than my previous monthly record. It seems those “power hungry” bastards at PG&E prey on idiots that like to keep things reasonably cool inside the house and hit them with a High Usage Fee.

But I really don’t get crazy with my usage. It’s set at 80 during the day and I drop it to 76ish in the evening so we can get some fucking sleep around here.

Possible reasons for the crazy rate:

  • Mid Century Modern house with raised ceilings. There is a lot of space to fill with expensive, high usage, cool air.
  • Single pane windows. I like these because they rattle really hard when the Air National Guard jets fly over.
  • Beard trimmer constantly charging. Hey, dude, I gotta be ready to sharpen my beard at a moment’s notice! I can not afford to look unkempt when the Mail Lady shows up with my Star Wars subscription box.
  • Pool pump constantly battling algae. Keeping a pool blue enough for night swimming pictures is really hard (see pic at top). The struggle is, in fact, real.

Well, What About Solar?

Sure, I have thought about this.

But then you have to go on Facebook and look like a douche and ask all your friends and family “Hey, anybody know a good solar company that is like cool and all?” and then your dad and your friend from a job you no longer work at get into a debate on whether leasing solar is better than buying and then you end up finally calling a guy and inevitably a bunch of dudes are stomping all over your roof trying to install it and totally judging your roof while they do it and maybe one of the dudes falls off your roof and your dog mauls his arm off and that really sucks and then after it’s installed one of your neighbors comes by and tells you how they couldn’t sell their house because they had some sorta fucked up solar lease and you realize it’s the same damn lease you have and you are paying like $300 bucks a month for that shit and you’re just wishing you could go off in the corner of your yard and die behind the bushes like the squirrel you found back there several years ago did.

So, nevermind about solar.

I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing. Maybe let my beard grow out and save a few pennies. No way am I turning off my Beer Fridge though. I need those cold beers to numb the pain of my power bill.

Herndon: Fast & The Sometimes Furious

I used to think I was pushing the limits of speeding on Fresno’s streets when I’d go 60 mph down Herndon during my morning commute to work.

No longer. It seems 70 is the new 60 and I’m being left behind. “Out the way, sweet cheeks!”

Oh and don’t slip up getting onto Herndon thinking 50 is going to work. I see people pull out on to Herndon and immediately regret it. “Shit I done fucked up!” is the face made often.

http://media0.giphy.com/media/VmKs3IMpH96Yo/giphy.gif

But Herndon in NW Fresno is different from NE Fresno Herndon. The “Clovis side” of Herndon, as I like to call it, has a hard time even reaching the speed limit:

So I guess I’m pleased to have the “freedom” of getting up to 70, if I so desire. It seems we deal with less congestion in the NW.

And, I’m not asking for Fresno PD to start setting up shop at Sierra Sky Park (I’m no narc, bro!), just making an observation.

Something to ponder, Fresnan reader: Is there any other surface Street in Fresno you can get up to 70?…

Where Does Fresno Need A Pedestrian/Bike Bridge?

This week I saw Bike Portland talking about a bike bridge that is up for city approval (that’s so Portland). It got me to thinking…

Where could Fresno use a bike/pedestrian bridge?

  • Blackstone & Nees. You saw the AMAZING rendition at the top of the post (big thanks to the Fresnan Art Department), so I don’t have to explain the location on this one. Easily crossing over from Barnes & Noble to REI sounds cool, yeah?
  • Cedar & Barstow. Thinking somewhere on Cedar, between Barstow and Bulldog Lane. Ya got all the Fresno State students living West of Cedar, then you got everyone going to the football and baseball games. Seems like a no-brainer.
  • Mama Mia’s & My House. It would make it so much easier to pick up my gnocchi if there was a bridge from my driveway that went directly to Mama’s.
  • Blackstone & Shields. People are jaywalking here all the time. This fixes it. Probably. Plus there is a new Chipotle or something, you need to get to.
  • Fulton & Inyo. I hear there is going to be so much fucking traffic going down this new look Fulton Street that you, nor your Fulton Mall business, is going to be able to handle it. Money will be falling out of the sky, people will be parking like crazy and having the time of their damn lives. Fresno Grizzlies’ “Parker” will finally get laid. The few people that will be brave enough to walk amongst the major thoroughfare of newly imagined Fulton Street, will need a bridge over the insane traffic that Fulton Street Mall will definitely totally have. And Clovis Girl will be able to walk in safety.
  • Friant & Fresno Street. You have the new shopping center on the East side of Friant and Downtown North on the West Side. Feels logical.

We are a big enough city, guys. Making it safer to bike and walk around is a major factor in making us a cool city. I’m having some fun here, but really, let’s bridge.

Where else would you like to see a bridge in Fresno?